When young, guys are very self-conscious about the “Man Card”.
According to that perpetual fount of bizarre knowledge known as the Urban Dictionary, a man card is “a card that doesn’t actually exist, but certifies that you are male”. Good solid definition. All men are born with a man card. The value of your man card among men can be increased by doing things such as:
- Hunting and shooting critters, the meaner the better
- Knowing the name of every starting quarterback in the NFC
- Getting in bar fights
- Motorcycles, and hell no we don’t wear helmets
- Recounting truly epic hangovers especially those involving monkeys
- Breaking twenty-five miles per hour over the speed limit
- Having in-depth knowledge of how to survive the impending zombie apocalypse
- Admitting you go to Hooters and it’s not for the hot wings
- Anything to do with diesel pick up trucks
- Knowing several Merle Haggard songs
However, when one succeeds to his sixth decade the man card diminishes in importance. By that time the testosterone is ebbing, the muscles are atrophying, memory is getting dicier and we have more hair in our ears and noses than on the crown of our heads. At 60 guys qualify for a new emblem: the geezer card.
I was mulling these deep thoughts as Max and I strolled the K Streets tonight. Picture me, a 6’2″ 230 pound man, walking around with a tiny, furry frou-frou dog prancing at the end of a string. I could read the facial expressions of those we passed. From the young guys: “Gramps out walking his wife’s little dog.” From the ladies young and old: ” What a cute little dog and the old guy has been so well trained.”
I decided it’s not all bad when we hand back our man cards and take up our geezer cards. It’s actually quite fun to walk little dogs around the neighborhood without fear that our masculinity is diminished. We get to slow down and smell the tuberose and mock orange.
Best of all we get to fart and blame the dog. It says so right on the geezer card. Sorry, Max.
Categories: Max's Stories