Max & Hedgie’s Naughty Christmas

I don’t know about you but I, for one, am tired of passive-aggressive strangers coming to my door and demanding in chorus that I promptly provide figgy pudding and threatening that they will not leave until they get some.

Almost a White Christmas. Max’s house is behind those trees.

Oh well, it’s that time of year when Max and I indulge in the behaviors that annually get us placed on Santa’s naughty list.

This year’s coal-in-the-stocking trick was sneaking across our suburban lawn to the neighbor’s Nativity Scene and inserting near the manger, Max’s former favorite squeeze toy, Hedgie the Hedgehog.

Hedgie was recently savaged by Max in a fit of pique and the injury was beyond the Alpha Japanese Female’s ability to repair with needle and thread.

She wanted to toss out the ill-fated placental mammal (Google it) but I secreted Hedgie away against the day when Max and I could use him for nefarious purposes. You never want to waste a good hedgehog.

As we speak, Hedgie is wedged between a camel and what I think is a pig but might be a goat, both bowed in adoration before the Baby Jesus who bears an uncanny resemblance to a very small Vin Diesel in swaddling clothes.

Our first attempt at costuming was less than successful.
The second attempt wasn’t much better.

I’m pretty sure my neighbor bought his Nativity Scene on closeout at the local SteinMart and yes, the irony burns bright with that statement.

Anyway, it’s been almost five days and the neighbor hasn’t clued to the presence of Hedgie. Each night after the Nativity Scene is lighted, I walk Max past the neighbor’s house and together we surreptitiously wave at Hedgie.

I only wish I could snap a photo, but the Nativity scene is too prominently positioned and I think I’d get caught. Were that to happen, the neighbor’s wife assuredly would complain to the AJF and it would be cold shoulder and tongue for Max and I at Christmas Dinner.

Max’s go-to sweater for the incredibly harsh Southern California winter weather.

I know, I know. Sometimes I have less class than a Marxist utopia. But, hey, later on it will be good for a snorf or two over eggnog.

Meanwhile, Max is ready for Christmas. He has his costume, more than one actually, and his very own ornament for the Christmas tree. It’s a little creepy because it looks so much like him.

Max and his Doppelganger ornament.

Hoping to get lots of goodies for Christmas, Max and the AJF have recently been treating me like a god. By that I mean the cunning pair has been pleading, begging, and bargaining incessantly whereas before, they ignored my existence.

The Full Monty of holiday costumes so to speak.

We’ve decided on ham for Christmas Eve dinner so once again Max will not get turkey. But that’s a story for a future post on this silly dog blog…

You’re a bad influence on me.
Me, too!

18 replies

  1. I love Max’s little fashion show! And that ornament–too cute. If that guy has a pig in his manger, a hedgehog is not gonna make a heck of a lot of difference. But, dang it! I wish he would notice the darn thing!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. And Max shows no signs of wishing to reclaim his hedgehog? That has to have been some falling out…
    I think there is some British influence affecting you – yet another work of MI5 or 6? Tired of targeting Saunders and Trump they settle on you…
    Not only figgy pudding…but the full monty too!
    To deter future figgy pudding seekers,launch the thing at them in its china cooking bowl…preferably hot from the steamer…A trebuchet would come in handy.
    Ask his lordship if he will deign to accept a Christmas pat from me…

    Liked by 1 person

    • No one that I know in the US has ever had figgy pudding ( I certainly have not) so why is that song always on the radio? And why are the consumers of said delicacy so militant? Anyway, Max thanks you for his virtual pat; he sends canine Christmas wishes to your pack of eight. As to Hedgie, the poor beast was in bad shape and the manger is a far better place for him than the dumpster. There is, of course, a new Hedgie in the house.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Ah, the joy of the season expressed in inimitable Arizona style and spirit! C’mere Tiny Tim so I can trip you and beat you over your wee head with your own crutch. Keepin’ it real, Kismet, keepin’ it real. 🙂

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  3. Bwahaha…I can always count on you to put a smile on my dark soul especially during the howlidays. As always, Max looks adorable and I think you really should snap a photo of Hedgie in the manger (or pen a song with that title-think of the Grammy nominations). If the neighbor asks, just say you want photographic documentation of such a lovely piece of commercialism, er secularism, oh shoot, whatever the heck you call holiday yard displays these days. Me, I just call them wrong. #bahhumbug

    Like

  4. HA! This is paws-itively hilarious! 😀 Aw, Max! Merry Christmas to you! You look adorable and so festive! 🙂
    Cooper has hedgehog, too. It is small enough for him to carry around in his mouth. 🙂
    Tell your human-beans Merry Christmas for me! 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂

    Like

    • I never saw him discover Hedgie but he seemed less than grunted whilst taking apart the manger and putting it away. So I score it a victory for small scale Xmas terrorism. Naturally I’m looking ahead to next year. MUAHAHAHA.

      Liked by 1 person

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