Once again I heard the siren call of Amazon’s “Buy now with 1-Click” option.
I swear that thing is as addictive as crack cocaine, a substance with which I have no familiarity but one has to perpetuate clichés, doesn’t one?
I should say that Amazon’s Demon Button is as addictive as the chocolate covered raisins at Costco. Then you would know that I speak authoritatively. Or dark beer. Or cognac, bourbon or cargo shorts. Never mind, I think you got the idea.
Typically, my instant buying antics are limited to insignificant purchases, often small tools and repair parts for projects around our house which is affectionately known as La Casa de Fontanería Rota.
Go ahead and fire up Google Translate. I’ll wait.
The Alpha Japanese Female (AJF) doesn’t seem to mind my impulsive online shopping because a) I don’t tell her about it, at least most of the time and, b) I don’t tell her about it.
If she notices that a strange package has arrived on our doorstep I pass it off as a tool purchase knowing full well she knows nothing about tools.
Me: “Well, yeah, it’s a combination feeler gauge and rotary inverted pressure meter. I need it to adjust the sprinklers.”
AJF: “Oh, OK. Be careful.”
Works every time. But sometimes I buy things that are hard to disguise, or even explain for that matter. Sometimes I go too far.
See, I recently bought pajamas for a dog. There, I admit it.
I was innocently browsing Amazon looking for doggie Christmas presents (I know, I know, you don’t have to say it, stop being so judgmental) when up popped one of those helpful little windows suggesting complementary items and there they were – dog pajamas.
Now, it’s true I may have been sipping an adult beverage at the time but it struck me as obvious and urgent that because the weather had turned chilly and damp and because a certain Maltese is getting up there in years, some warm and cozy pajamas might be welcome.
I spent a fair time comparing the many offers. Color and design were important. Material, cut and the availability of elasticized paw openings came into play. The country of origin, the environmental business practices of the manufacturer and its policies towards women and children were all part of considerations.
In other words, I bought based on price alone. Cheap? Done!
Smash that “Buy now with 1-Click” button.
Oh the instant gratification as the little bell chimed on my email notification telling me the order was placed. Two day shipping, dontcha know.
Then I remembered I forgot to include the AJF in the decision so I marched into the kitchen and ‘fessed up that I had made another unilateral Amazon purchase.
AJF: “That’s OK. What did you get? Some tools? Maybe something for me?”
Me: “Uh, no. I bought dog pajamas.”
AJF: (thinking it must not have correctly translated into Japanese)….”what did you just say?”
Me: “I got a combination feeler gauge and rotary inverted pressure meter.”
At least it wasn’t a turkey hat.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha