Once again I heard the siren call of Amazon’s “Buy now with 1-Click” option.
I swear that thing is as addictive as crack cocaine, a substance with which I have no familiarity but one has to perpetuate clichés, doesn’t one?
I should say that Amazon’s Demon Button is as addictive as the chocolate covered raisins at Costco. Then you would know that I speak authoritatively. Or dark beer. Or cognac, bourbon or cargo shorts. Never mind, I think you got the idea.
$12. I almost bought one to wear for Thanksgiving Day dinner.
Typically, my instant buying antics are limited to insignificant purchases, often small tools and repair parts for projects around our house which is affectionately known as La Casa de Fontanería Rota.
Go ahead and fire up Google Translate. I’ll wait.
“Let’s go outside and show these duds to the other dogs!”
The Alpha Japanese Female (AJF) doesn’t seem to mind my impulsive online shopping because a) I don’t tell her about it, at least most of the time and, b) I don’t tell her about it.
If she notices that a strange package has arrived on our doorstep I pass it off as a tool purchase knowing full well she knows nothing about tools.
Me: “Well, yeah, it’s a combination feeler gauge and rotary inverted pressure meter. I need it to adjust the sprinklers.”
AJF: “Oh, OK. Be careful.”
Works every time. But sometimes I buy things that are hard to disguise, or even explain for that matter. Sometimes I go too far.
“Oh wow, I can even pee while wearing these.”
See, I recently bought pajamas for a dog. There, I admit it.
I was innocently browsing Amazon looking for doggie Christmas presents (I know, I know, you don’t have to say it, stop being so judgmental) when up popped one of those helpful little windows suggesting complementary items and there they were – dog pajamas.
Now, it’s true I may have been sipping an adult beverage at the time but it struck me as obvious and urgent that because the weather had turned chilly and damp and because a certain Maltese is getting up there in years, some warm and cozy pajamas might be welcome.
“Whoops, wrong leg. These take practice.”
I spent a fair time comparing the many offers. Color and design were important. Material, cut and the availability of elasticized paw openings came into play. The country of origin, the environmental business practices of the manufacturer and its policies towards women and children were all part of considerations.
In other words, I bought based on price alone. Cheap? Done!
Smash that “Buy now with 1-Click” button.
Dramatization only.
Oh the instant gratification as the little bell chimed on my email notification telling me the order was placed. Two day shipping, dontcha know.
“Thanks for the PJs Dad.”
Then I remembered I forgot to include the AJF in the decision so I marched into the kitchen and ‘fessed up that I had made another unilateral Amazon purchase.
AJF: “That’s OK. What did you get? Some tools? Maybe something for me?”
Me: “Uh, no. I bought dog pajamas.”
AJF: (thinking it must not have correctly translated into Japanese)….”what did you just say?”
Me: “I got a combination feeler gauge and rotary inverted pressure meter.”
At least it wasn’t a turkey hat.
“Looking good, Max.” “Feeling good, Dad.”
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha
WITHIN THE K STREETS 
hahaha! These are SO CUTE!!! They do come with matching adult PJs, right?
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So you want to see me in my pj’s eh? So does Ginger. Maybe I’ll set up a YouTube channel just for the ladies. Hehehe. 👿
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OMG! I love Max’s PJ’s! Where’s your matching set?
I had a conversation with Murphy this morning asking her if she’d like her own PJ’s. That was prompted by the fact that when I lay mine on the bed in the morning on my way into the shower, she takes up residence in them. However, she’s not remotely interested ….she just wants to schmooze in mine!
Max you look positively handsome in your PJ’s.
Ginger
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I’m setting up a private channel just for you and Lois because you ladies seem really interested in me in my pj’s. Murphy definitely needs her own jammies and we all want photos of her wearing them.
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Awww….Max looks adorable. The turkey hat! 🤣
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I thought about getting the turkey hat for Max. But even lost causes like me know there are limits. Still…
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Sigh, I’m guilty of shopping for my dog online – and I didn’t even have an adult beverage to blame it on.
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See, you’ve got to learn to multi-task! I don’t have an artistic bone in my entire corpus but if I did, like you do, I think it would be fun to get hammered and do some creative drawing. Who knows what treasures of the psyche would be revealed? Toby and Bitey Dog go into a bar…read that one, children, I dare you.
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I am starting to feel really inspired…..
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A couple more sips and the inspiration will be complete!
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I’m glad I’m not your bird. If I were, you’d have me in a WW1 flight suit.
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You’d especially like the flying helmet with ear flaps. Because you don’t have ears. Well, not exactly, I mean you have ears but no ear things that stick out and grow hair like mine.
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Great minds… I woke up this morning thinking that Jacques needs a raincoat and that, with this transportation strike set to last another week, I should buy it on Amazon. Maybe I can find one with snowmen.
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You know we will all want to see photos of Jacques in the raincoat. I was amazed at how many clothing options there are for dogs. Everything from parkas to pajamas and plenty of raincoat choices. Maybe one with escargot would be available from Amazon France. Or little wine glasses. Uh oh, I’m starting to get creative, time to lie down and let that feeling pass.
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Okay, first – add me to the private channel
Second – I could have written this post
Third – Maverick would shred pajamas, but I might be tempted to get them anyway
Fourth – tonight it was a dog toy
“Bear, I ordered something – probably a dog training book.” “Why, did he eat the rest of them?” “Not yet.” 🙂
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I saw something called a “weighted jacket” that was exactly what it’s name suggested. The idea is that wearing a heavy coat would somehow calm an excitable or nervous animal. I figured that the only thing it would really accomplish is to make the dog much stronger by building muscles. Maybe it would work for Mav? You could try. Come to think of it, you should have written this post because then I would have still had a shred of self respect.
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what is this self respect thing of which you speak? Pretty sure a weighted jacket would make both of us stronger – him from wearing it and me from struggling to get it on him!
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Self respect: noun : something I lost a long time ago. A mythical property of dog owners, never verified in the wild. Example: Of the many things I’ve lost, I miss my self respect the most.
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So I’m not alone! They are too smart for pjs, more like lounge wear, and extremely well modelled I have to say!
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No, you’re not alone. There are dozens of us! Dozens! Next up is a smoking robe of the type worn by Hefner in the early Playboy magazine days. You know, when I read it for the articles.
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Smoking jackets would look wonderful!
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Velvet ones and maybe some slippers. Gold chains around their necks. Heavy on the cologne. A casting couch nearby. Hollywood dogs. 🙂
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No pipe?….thank goodness for that!
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That’s what I forgot in the description! I knew there was one more critical element to reproduce the Hugh Heffner look but my OK Boomer mind just couldn’t remember what is was. Thank you!
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Aw, Max! You are rockin’ those snowman PJ’S! 🙂
HA! on your a) and b) related to on-line shopping! 😀
You gotta’ buy, and wear, the turkey-hat next year! Let Max take you for walk while you sport that hat for your neighbors! 😉 😛
HUGS and Thanks for the snort-laughs!!! 😀
PS… Sh! Don’t tell anyone…butt, Cooper likes to sleep naked! 😮
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“In the nude.” Sleeping “naked” sounds Penthouse while “in the nude” sounds Marilyn Monroe. Just saying, Coops. Sleeping in the nude whilst wearing a turkey hat, well, that’s more of a Carolyn thing, I’m told. Just kidding, just kidding. We know you wear jammies and a turkey hat. 👿
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HA!!! 😀 😉 😛
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Thank the Powers that Amazon doesn’t deliver to Costa Rica, I can see Leo decking our lot out with PJs and the godawful mess as they tore them off.
But you are right about that demonic one click button…i buy books for Kindle…a lot of books…
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Personally, I think you’d look fetching wearing a turkey hat as you navigate the food markets in downtown San Jose. Costa Rica could always use more expatriates in turkey hats. Maybe a matching set for you and Leo? Just say the word and I’ll dispatch a pair. Your Customs staff will no doubt be amused.
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Our customs staff would confiscate them as they would like to wear them themselves….
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Do they have the “Chicken Dance” in Costa Rica? That would be an excellent soundtrack to play as folks proceed through the Customs line staffed with people wearing turkey hats.
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For that sight it would be worth introducing it.
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You know, it just occurred to me that you missed a golden opportunity to refer to Max’s Christmas pajamas as “Fleece Navidad.”
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Aaargh!
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Typical. Hit a girl when she’s down….though to be fair that’s about the only time you have a chance of getting away with it…
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Well, yeah, I don’t want to get beat up. It’s all about timing and working smarter not harder. When they’re down one gets a chance to run away. Don’t see the problem.
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Hahahaha! Love the PJs Max! You look so handsome! I too, hate that one click button!
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It’s like that TV chef…Emeril Lagasse?…who would always season his food by grabbing ahandful of spices and throwing them at the dish while yelling “BAM!” You see something you like (totally not influenced by your beverage choices) and BAM. It’s in your mailbox or on your doorstep. I wonder what the porch pirates would think of if they stole a package from me and found a turkey hat. “What are you in for?” “I stole a turkey hat and some dog pajamas.”
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I share your amazon addiction. I have bought so much crap over the year, most of which sits in a corner gathering dust. It’s just so hard to resist the thrill of buying even more useless junk to scatter around the house.
And yes, I’ve bought plenty for the girls too. At least the bowl designed to slow down eating worked, a rare purchase, worth the money.
Reminder to self… cancel Prime ASAP!
Max is adorable in his wee pjs!
x
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The ultimate Purchase of Shame is when one acquires fancy containers from Amazon to hold all the other stuff you bought from Amazon. We looked at those slow feeders but figured that Max would simply upend the contraption and eat off the floor. So we have (again) surrendered and simply watch in amazement as he wolfs dinner in under thirty seconds, discretely dog burps and then demands to be taken outside for his post-dinner constitutional.
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Haha! The bowl really slowed poppy down, she is a crazy fast gobbler. I can recommend lick mats though too, both of my girls love them. Oh and the bowl is non slip so difficult to upend.
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Well that’s just great. Thanks for recommending that I buy more dog stuff from Amazon. 🙂
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Oops! Sorry! 😂
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Oh man, to be a fly on the wall at your house during those fessing up sessions. 😂
BTW, cute PJs, Max. Every Malt should look as good in snowmen.
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Groveling is a learned skill. It comes from many years of practice. While you snappers of whippers were still at your parents’ knees I was mastering the Way of the Grovel. It is now baked into my DNA and an autonomic response. As soon as I hear my name spoken a certain way, I get the flinch, the urge to duck and I start to grovel.
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Ok, Inspector Dreyfus. 😆
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via GIPHY
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Yup, that’s the learned response.
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the comments are better than the original post
I confess that one night the Bear and I hit that one click button a couple times and when the package arrived, we agreed to never ever do that again when adult beverages had been consumed. He may have kept that promise. I make no claims to having done so
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Protip: do NOT buy gifts for your spouse when less than fully in control of your faculties. Don’t ask me how I know this. Let’s just say that self-improvement devices are not always welcome gifts.
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I think we need a 12 step program. Today it was two tug toys – one for a Christmas present, one for a backup,
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Ooh la la, I like your theme with triple Maxes. Toddlers in pajamas are my weakness, so I can appreciate a good dog pajama, especially when you clearly did your due diligence and bought free trade instead of blood pajamas. He looks swank and festive. Just be glad a porch pirate didn’t steal your box; we’ve had a rash of that lately, and I swear to God, if someone steals my Tortuga rum cake before I get to it …
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It was delicious! Nothing beats a good Tortuga rum cake.
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😭😭😭
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I’ve never been brave enough to try pjs or any other actual article of clothing beyond the basic bandana, for fear that Jett may be displeased enough to try to eat me. 😛
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They learn very quickly to beat feet out of the area when they see their human holding an article of dog clothing. Then comes the wrestling match which is much easier with a small pup but still a challenge. Then there is the smoldering resentment and hateful glances and promises of a doggie revenge.
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They are just too adorable!!
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