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Dog Pajamas

Once again I heard the siren call of Amazon’s “Buy now with 1-Click” option.

I swear that thing is as addictive as crack cocaine, a substance with which I have no familiarity but one has to perpetuate clichés, doesn’t one?

one click

I should say that Amazon’s Demon Button is as addictive as the chocolate covered raisins at Costco. Then you would know that I speak authoritatively. Or dark beer. Or cognac, bourbon or cargo shorts. Never mind, I think you got the idea.

turkey hat

$12. I almost bought one to wear for Thanksgiving Day dinner.

Typically, my instant buying antics are limited to insignificant purchases, often small tools and repair parts for projects around our house which is affectionately known as La Casa de Fontanería Rota.

Go ahead and fire up Google Translate. I’ll wait.

Max on mat ears up

“Let’s go outside and show these duds to the other dogs!”

The Alpha Japanese Female (AJF) doesn’t seem to mind my impulsive online shopping because a) I don’t tell her about it, at least most of the time and, b) I don’t tell her about it.

If she notices that a strange package has arrived on our doorstep I pass it off as a tool purchase knowing full well she knows nothing about tools.

Me: “Well, yeah, it’s a combination feeler gauge and rotary inverted pressure meter. I need it to adjust the sprinklers.”

AJF: “Oh, OK. Be careful.”

Works every time. But sometimes I buy things that are hard to disguise, or even explain for that matter. Sometimes I go too far.

20191203_163514

“Oh wow, I can even pee while wearing these.”

See, I recently bought pajamas for a dog. There, I admit it.

I was innocently browsing Amazon looking for doggie Christmas presents (I know, I know, you don’t have to say it, stop being so judgmental) when up popped one of those helpful little windows suggesting complementary items and there they were – dog pajamas.

Now, it’s true I may have been sipping an adult beverage at the time but it struck me as obvious and urgent that because the weather had turned chilly and damp and because a certain Maltese is getting up there in years, some warm and cozy pajamas might be welcome.

wrong leg.jpg

“Whoops, wrong leg. These take practice.”

I spent a fair time comparing the many offers. Color and design were important. Material, cut and the availability of elasticized paw openings came into play. The country of origin, the environmental business practices of the manufacturer and its policies towards women and children were all part of considerations.

In other words, I bought based on price alone. Cheap?  Done!

Smash that “Buy now with 1-Click” button.

kwyboard

Dramatization only.

Oh the instant gratification as the little bell chimed on my email notification telling me the order was placed. Two day shipping, dontcha know.

Max on mat 1 ready to go out

“Thanks for the PJs Dad.”

Then I remembered I forgot to include the AJF in the decision so I marched into the kitchen and ‘fessed up that I had made another unilateral Amazon purchase.

AJF: “That’s OK. What did you get? Some tools? Maybe something for me?”

Me: “Uh, no. I bought dog pajamas.”

AJF: (thinking it must not have correctly translated into Japanese)….”what did you just say?”

Me: “I got a combination feeler gauge and rotary inverted pressure meter.”

At least it wasn’t a turkey hat.

Posing

“Looking good, Max.”  “Feeling good, Dad.”

Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha

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57 replies ›

  2. OMG! I love Max’s PJ’s! Where’s your matching set?

    I had a conversation with Murphy this morning asking her if she’d like her own PJ’s. That was prompted by the fact that when I lay mine on the bed in the morning on my way into the shower, she takes up residence in them. However, she’s not remotely interested ….she just wants to schmooze in mine!

    Max you look positively handsome in your PJ’s.
    Ginger

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    • You’d especially like the flying helmet with ear flaps. Because you don’t have ears. Well, not exactly, I mean you have ears but no ear things that stick out and grow hair like mine.

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  6. Great minds… I woke up this morning thinking that Jacques needs a raincoat and that, with this transportation strike set to last another week, I should buy it on Amazon. Maybe I can find one with snowmen.

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    • You know we will all want to see photos of Jacques in the raincoat. I was amazed at how many clothing options there are for dogs. Everything from parkas to pajamas and plenty of raincoat choices. Maybe one with escargot would be available from Amazon France. Or little wine glasses. Uh oh, I’m starting to get creative, time to lie down and let that feeling pass.

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  7. Okay, first – add me to the private channel
    Second – I could have written this post
    Third – Maverick would shred pajamas, but I might be tempted to get them anyway
    Fourth – tonight it was a dog toy
    “Bear, I ordered something – probably a dog training book.” “Why, did he eat the rest of them?” “Not yet.” 🙂

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    • I saw something called a “weighted jacket” that was exactly what it’s name suggested. The idea is that wearing a heavy coat would somehow calm an excitable or nervous animal. I figured that the only thing it would really accomplish is to make the dog much stronger by building muscles. Maybe it would work for Mav? You could try. Come to think of it, you should have written this post because then I would have still had a shred of self respect.

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  9. Aw, Max! You are rockin’ those snowman PJ’S! 🙂

    HA! on your a) and b) related to on-line shopping! 😀

    You gotta’ buy, and wear, the turkey-hat next year! Let Max take you for walk while you sport that hat for your neighbors! 😉 😛
    HUGS and Thanks for the snort-laughs!!! 😀
    PS… Sh! Don’t tell anyone…butt, Cooper likes to sleep naked! 😮

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  10. Thank the Powers that Amazon doesn’t deliver to Costa Rica, I can see Leo decking our lot out with PJs and the godawful mess as they tore them off.
    But you are right about that demonic one click button…i buy books for Kindle…a lot of books…

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    • It’s like that TV chef…Emeril Lagasse?…who would always season his food by grabbing ahandful of spices and throwing them at the dish while yelling “BAM!” You see something you like (totally not influenced by your beverage choices) and BAM. It’s in your mailbox or on your doorstep. I wonder what the porch pirates would think of if they stole a package from me and found a turkey hat. “What are you in for?” “I stole a turkey hat and some dog pajamas.”

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  12. I share your amazon addiction. I have bought so much crap over the year, most of which sits in a corner gathering dust. It’s just so hard to resist the thrill of buying even more useless junk to scatter around the house.
    And yes, I’ve bought plenty for the girls too. At least the bowl designed to slow down eating worked, a rare purchase, worth the money.
    Reminder to self… cancel Prime ASAP!
    Max is adorable in his wee pjs!
    x

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    • The ultimate Purchase of Shame is when one acquires fancy containers from Amazon to hold all the other stuff you bought from Amazon. We looked at those slow feeders but figured that Max would simply upend the contraption and eat off the floor. So we have (again) surrendered and simply watch in amazement as he wolfs dinner in under thirty seconds, discretely dog burps and then demands to be taken outside for his post-dinner constitutional.

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  15. the comments are better than the original post
    I confess that one night the Bear and I hit that one click button a couple times and when the package arrived, we agreed to never ever do that again when adult beverages had been consumed. He may have kept that promise. I make no claims to having done so

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  17. Ooh la la, I like your theme with triple Maxes. Toddlers in pajamas are my weakness, so I can appreciate a good dog pajama, especially when you clearly did your due diligence and bought free trade instead of blood pajamas. He looks swank and festive. Just be glad a porch pirate didn’t steal your box; we’ve had a rash of that lately, and I swear to God, if someone steals my Tortuga rum cake before I get to it …

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    • They learn very quickly to beat feet out of the area when they see their human holding an article of dog clothing. Then comes the wrestling match which is much easier with a small pup but still a challenge. Then there is the smoldering resentment and hateful glances and promises of a doggie revenge.

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