So, it’s St. Patrick’s Day and all the bars are closed. It said so in the Irish Times. Look for yourself:
Irish journalist Phillip O’Connor said, “If you want to know how serious the pandemic is, Ireland is closing its pubs. To put that in perspective, only God has ever managed to do that before – and even He has struggled lately.”
But sure enough, faith and begorrah, the Irish pubs are shuttered both in Ireland and in Southern California.
Bars are not the only places that are closed. Around here, most all establishments where people gather are closed and we expect mandatory residential lock-downs to be put in place at any time. This is distressing to many in the community and problematic for many more, even those who acknowledge the seriousness of the pandemic.
Little does he know that when we have been googling emergency food recipes, we’ve been using the search term “Maltese” as an ingredient.
The Malt doesn’t care about alcohol-fueled parties and parades. Beer, be it green or another color in the Crayola box, is not to his taste. Although he has a nice collection of Irish whiskeys, those are not to his taste either. Milk Bones with jaunty leprechauns on them is another matter.
His Furriness never intended to celebrate this holiday and he certainly did not intend to wear a ridiculous outfit with cliché hat and an orange beard. He is lucky that the grocery stores are out of stock on Lucky Charms cereal or it could have been worse.
While Max pouts, his DogDad, moi, intends to social distance himself into a reclining chair with a good book, a snack and a wee dram of the creature, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
Though far from gruntled at the current state of affairs, we at Rancho de Hoarding Japanese Food are lucky.
While our retirement funds predict that our future meals will come from the noted cookbook, 100 Ways to Serve Instant Ramen and Used Coffee Grounds, we don’t have worries about child care or jobs or frail family members or any of the thousand other real life dilemmata that this virus inflicts on others.
Yup, no worries here, except for that pesky detail of being at high risk as the primary targets of the Covid-19 virus. Pshaw.
Shout outs and kudos especially to all the folks who continue to work with the public from doctors and nurses to store clerks and janitorial crew, wait staff and delivery people to, well, everyone who is actually keeping the system going while the politicians play politics.
Applause to those who have kept their heads screwed on properly and avoided panic buying all the stuff that I want to panic buy.
Here’s some quick advice to those inclined to hoard toilet paper: if you think you need 144 rolls of TP for a 30-day quarantine, go see your doctor RIGHT NOW because that level of “productivity” indicates a gastrointestinal problem requiring urgent care.
But I digress.
I think back to when I was a kid (late Cretaceous Period dontcha know) and we envisioned a future of jet packs, flying cars, space ships and robots waiting on us hand and paw.
Instead of enjoying these technological miracles, by 2020 we have evolved to the point where we need the government to tell us how to wash our hands.
Sing the Happy Birthday Song twice!!!! For crying out sideways, I’d rather sing the Chicken Talk song but more about that later…
If I keep going I’m going to get grouchy and the Malt is already tired of my blathering so I’m off to self-quarantine, sneeze into my elbow and sing some naughty Irish drinking songs.
I think I’ll start with the aforementioned Chicken Talk:
Listen to the song and if anybody give you grief during these challenging times, you just tell them what the chicken says.
Here’s hoping you have a grand St. Patrick’s Day.
Stay safe out there.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha