Idle Paws

Max and I have done our best to be good citizens and comply with all the directives regarding staying safe in this age of Covid-19.

He and I have been practicing social distancing from non-family members. The AJF has taken it to a new level and social distances herself from the two of us by at least 100 feet whenever possible.

We wear masks. We only shop when essentials are needed. We wash our hands. And wash. And wash.

“I think we may be overdoing the hand and paw washing, Max.”

The problem is, we have too much free time and idle paws are the Devil’s workshop.

Case in point: The Cockroach Caper, presented with minimal narrative.

Roach 1

Step 1: Find roach picture

Roach 2

Step 2: Print copy of said roach

Roach 3

Step 3: Carefully cut out roach image

Roach 4

Step 4: Apply a little Elmer’s

Roach 5

Step 5: Glue roach image on to Alpha Japanese Female’s roll of TP.

Roach 6

Step 6: Roll TP back so roach will be a surprise!!!

In years to come we will probably all be able to laugh about that one special night when the AJF got up at 4:00 am to use the toilet relying only on the dim bathroom night light for illumination.

For now, it is apparently legal for a woman to require her husband and little dog to sleep in the garage.


















50 replies

  1. OMG Tom, you have gone ’round the bend and over the top! Printing pic of a roach. Cutting roach image out. Gluing to AJF’s toilet paper. And all because maybe, in years to come, you’ll be able to laugh hysterically about this.

    If you’re laughing, it will be from a padded cell! The AJF will NEVER be laughing at this. Murphy is very concerned about Max’s DogDad. She would like you to fix yourself a nice Quarantini, put your ‘tighty whitey’ mask on, and just sit quietly in your lounge chair until this pandemic is over. And then you can go see a psychiatrist and (s)he’ll make it all better! Or not!!

    But in the meantime Tom, it’s impossible to read your posts and not laugh out loud, and for that I thank you. You’re a bright ray of light in this dark tunnel. Wait! Not a tunnel. My husband’s tighty whiteys just slipped down over my eyes for a moment!! Lol
    ๐ŸพGinger ๐Ÿพ


    • My excuse, Ginger, is that the Maltese made me do it. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. The AJF doesn’t like bugs and giant cockroaches like the kind we had in Hawaii were her worst enemy. I didn’t exactly plan for her to find the “roach” late at night but conditions were perfect. She was wide awake after the discovery and, sadly, so was I.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. You guys are EVIL!!!! My cats love when these disgusting little creatures make it into our house–play time!!! Dismembered body parts greet me the next morning but I still clobber the hell out of the little thing…in case it’s not really dead. The garage is way too good for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think you call them…Palmetto Bugs, right? But we all know they’re roaches. At first when you said “dismembered body parts” I thought you were referring to the catlets and I thought the punishment was a little too extreme. Now I get it. The worst is when they fly at you, right?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Palmetto bugs are in south Florida. Up here in the Panhandle, we call them roaches. Yes! Who knew they flew??!!! haha! No, not dismembered cats. The cats like to pull the bugs apart. Nothing like a legless roach on its back in the morning. But you know these things refuse to die. That’s why I insist on finishing them off. Bam! Bam! Bam! Are ya’ dead yet??! Whew….I need to calm down now….

        Liked by 1 person

        • Heh. Regional roaches. I was going to say they are useless critters but I guess they have some value as entertainment for cats. You do know, don’t you, that cats would torture us the same way if only they were bigger.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. You blamed it on Max! Have you no shame?
    O.K. silly question…
    I hope you took a goodly supply of milk bones into captivity with you or the desperate little chap will be reducing your hands to the state of photograph 1.

    Good though, wasn’t it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh yeah, I do. They call me Notorious T.P. Made my Costco run today, the master of Senior Hours, doncha know. Got paper towels too…all the ladies say “ooh.” Lysol wipes, what I call the Holy Grail of covid foraging, still elude me.


  4. Max is totally innocent!
    And how is life in the garage for you?!?! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜€

    HA! You made me snort-laugh! What a great prank! I would squeal if that happened to me, but then I’d laugh my arse off! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜›

    I blogged once about the rubber, but real looking. spider that my hubby and kids and I used to hide around the house to try to scare each other. Bad thing is at some point I was the only one getting scared and screaming so everyone was hiding the spider for ME to find. Finally, I put the rubber spider in my underpants drawer to end the “game” and then I forgot I put it there and found it a few weeks later. I screamed, and then laughed! I realized I was now, also, pranking and scaring my ownself! ๐Ÿ˜ฎ ๐Ÿ˜€

    HUGS!!! and thanks for the laughs, Tom!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  5. As soon as I stop laughing, I’ll begin to berate you. In the meantime (because I can’t stop laughing) perhaps finding a hobby might be something to consider? Stamp collecting? Baking? Knitting? You know, things that won’t affect your happy domicile. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah. The general opinion of the family seems to be that I need to find more healthy outlets for my boredom. I look at it this way:

      In years to come, the Ancient Wise Ones will gather by the fire and tell the tale of the ‘Rona when all were locked down at home. “What did they do with all that time,” Ancient Wise One? “Did they learn new languages, improve their minds, become more spiritual?” “Did they even clean the house like they always said they would if only they had time?”

      “No, small one, they binged Netflix, took to day drinking and got fat.”

      Liked by 3 people

    • Uh uh. As said upstream, Max and I are two halves that join to form a complete idiot. He shares the boon times; he shares the garage times. That was the theory at least. It now seems that he has been forgiven but that dispensation has not been extended to poor old me.


  6. I heard those screams here!
    Had Max not thought this a good idea he would have stopped you doing it.
    Therefore he has the same humour you have!
    So how come he gets allowed back in before you do?
    It’s a giggle innit?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly! The Malt is 100% complicit but gets a free pass from the AJF. Hey! I can be cuddly, too. OK maybe not and I’ll certainly never get called “cute.” I don’t obey well either and I don’t do tricks. OK, so maybe the dog deserves better treatment. “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!!” (Channeling my inner Elephant Man.)

      Liked by 1 person

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