Max and I have done our best to be good citizens and comply with all the directives regarding staying safe in this age of Covid-19.
He and I have been practicing social distancing from non-family members. The AJF has taken it to a new level and social distances herself from the two of us by at least 100 feet whenever possible.
We wear masks. We only shop when essentials are needed. We wash our hands. And wash. And wash.
The problem is, we have too much free time and idle paws are the Devil’s workshop.
Case in point: The Cockroach Caper, presented with minimal narrative.
Step 1: Find roach picture
Step 2: Print copy of said roach
Step 3: Carefully cut out roach image
Step 4: Apply a little Elmer’s
Step 5: Glue roach image on to Alpha Japanese Female’s roll of TP.
Step 6: Roll TP back so roach will be a surprise!!!
In years to come we will probably all be able to laugh about that one special night when the AJF got up at 4:00 am to use the toilet relying only on the dim bathroom night light for illumination.
For now, it is apparently legal for a woman to require her husband and little dog to sleep in the garage.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha
WITHIN THE K STREETS 
OMG Tom, you have gone ’round the bend and over the top! Printing pic of a roach. Cutting roach image out. Gluing to AJF’s toilet paper. And all because maybe, in years to come, you’ll be able to laugh hysterically about this.
If you’re laughing, it will be from a padded cell! The AJF will NEVER be laughing at this. Murphy is very concerned about Max’s DogDad. She would like you to fix yourself a nice Quarantini, put your ‘tighty whitey’ mask on, and just sit quietly in your lounge chair until this pandemic is over. And then you can go see a psychiatrist and (s)he’ll make it all better! Or not!!
But in the meantime Tom, it’s impossible to read your posts and not laugh out loud, and for that I thank you. You’re a bright ray of light in this dark tunnel. Wait! Not a tunnel. My husband’s tighty whiteys just slipped down over my eyes for a moment!! Lol
🐾Ginger 🐾
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My excuse, Ginger, is that the Maltese made me do it. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. The AJF doesn’t like bugs and giant cockroaches like the kind we had in Hawaii were her worst enemy. I didn’t exactly plan for her to find the “roach” late at night but conditions were perfect. She was wide awake after the discovery and, sadly, so was I.
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You guys are EVIL!!!! My cats love when these disgusting little creatures make it into our house–play time!!! Dismembered body parts greet me the next morning but I still clobber the hell out of the little thing…in case it’s not really dead. The garage is way too good for you.
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I think you call them…Palmetto Bugs, right? But we all know they’re roaches. At first when you said “dismembered body parts” I thought you were referring to the catlets and I thought the punishment was a little too extreme. Now I get it. The worst is when they fly at you, right?
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Palmetto bugs are in south Florida. Up here in the Panhandle, we call them roaches. Yes! Who knew they flew??!!! haha! No, not dismembered cats. The cats like to pull the bugs apart. Nothing like a legless roach on its back in the morning. But you know these things refuse to die. That’s why I insist on finishing them off. Bam! Bam! Bam! Are ya’ dead yet??! Whew….I need to calm down now….
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Heh. Regional roaches. I was going to say they are useless critters but I guess they have some value as entertainment for cats. You do know, don’t you, that cats would torture us the same way if only they were bigger.
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I laughed and laughed, but if my husband did that to me…words fail me.
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It was a bold move, some might say foolish. But Max and I felt the walls closing in on us. What were we to do? Now, we fear retribution.
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As well you should. I look forward to hearing what happens.
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You blamed it on Max! Have you no shame?
O.K. silly question…
I hope you took a goodly supply of milk bones into captivity with you or the desperate little chap will be reducing your hands to the state of photograph 1.
Good though, wasn’t it!
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I was laughing like a hyena at the sounds that came from the bathroom. She was not amused and the more I howled the angrier she got. I kept hearing, “If you ever do something like that again…blah, blah…” Pointless since she knows I will come up with a new trick. At some point I will be forgiven. The dog, my fickle accomplice, is already back in good graces.
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Well, we all know that that saintly little animal could not be involved…don’t we?
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Max and are two halves that together form a complete idiot. Draw your own conclusions.
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Aargh!! You’re lucky she let you sleep in the garage after that one! 😜
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I guess some people just don’t have my highly refined and mature sense of humor. Thing is, I know that payback will be coming. My fear is that it will involve either food or my beer inventory. I’d enlist the dog as a spy but he is not trustworthy and his loyalty can be bought cheaply.
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Max, the double agent 😄
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“Traitor” is the correct spelling, Suze.
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Wait, you have toilet paper?
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Oh yeah, I do. They call me Notorious T.P. Made my Costco run today, the master of Senior Hours, doncha know. Got paper towels too…all the ladies say “ooh.” Lysol wipes, what I call the Holy Grail of covid foraging, still elude me.
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Garage, hell, you’d be out in the back yard and lucky to have a ratty old blanket!
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As a country dweller I’m sure a little ole bug wouldn’t spook you, would it? You’d probably just say, “shoo, shoo roachie” and never stop what you’re doing.
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no, i seriously hate bugs. Every Spring, I stand in the field and yell, WHY DO I LIVE IN THE WOODS?????? Then I see a deer and remember, that’s why
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(cough) Deer Ticks
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I know, we call the deer “tick taxis” but they’re so pretty. And we have foxes and pretty much every other kind of wildlife you can think of. Possum on the porch the other day. I should blog that story
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I’d like to read an animal tale. I assume you have trash pandas too and those guys are cute and a hoot although they can be evil-tempered, too. I even heard there was a hybrid of Sasquatch and Big Foot in your area. Called Big Squat. But that could have been a lie.😄
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Maverick swears he’s seen the Big Squat. I think it might have been me peeing in the field but that’s his story and who am I to question him?
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Well, that would indeed be a pretty big squat. 😈
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HEY! 🙂
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Max is totally innocent!
And how is life in the garage for you?!?! 😉 😀
HA! You made me snort-laugh! What a great prank! I would squeal if that happened to me, but then I’d laugh my arse off! 😀 😛
I blogged once about the rubber, but real looking. spider that my hubby and kids and I used to hide around the house to try to scare each other. Bad thing is at some point I was the only one getting scared and screaming so everyone was hiding the spider for ME to find. Finally, I put the rubber spider in my underpants drawer to end the “game” and then I forgot I put it there and found it a few weeks later. I screamed, and then laughed! I realized I was now, also, pranking and scaring my ownself! 😮 😀
HUGS!!! and thanks for the laughs, Tom!!! 🙂
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Love your story Carolyn. I thought about placing Mr. Roach in her underwear drawer (I’d have to explore to find where that is) but I wanted a predictable discovery. I just didn’t think that it would be in the middle of the night – perfect! Max is never “totally innocent.” He is a full partner in crime and has been enjoying the cool air in the garage which (secret) is home to a beer fridge!
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HA! Max and Cooper are very similar! 😀
Ha! So the garage isn’t so bad! 😉 😛
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It’s bearable. I don’t like to complain. Hahaha
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😱😱😱
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Do you have that kind of cockroach in Ireland? If not, I can arrange to have some sent to you by my Hawaii friends. Free!
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Nooooooooo!
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As soon as I stop laughing, I’ll begin to berate you. In the meantime (because I can’t stop laughing) perhaps finding a hobby might be something to consider? Stamp collecting? Baking? Knitting? You know, things that won’t affect your happy domicile. 😉
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Yeah. The general opinion of the family seems to be that I need to find more healthy outlets for my boredom. I look at it this way:
In years to come, the Ancient Wise Ones will gather by the fire and tell the tale of the ‘Rona when all were locked down at home. “What did they do with all that time,” Ancient Wise One? “Did they learn new languages, improve their minds, become more spiritual?” “Did they even clean the house like they always said they would if only they had time?”
“No, small one, they binged Netflix, took to day drinking and got fat.”
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That pretty much says it all. Now that I have a supply of TP and a new case of Stella Artois, I can’t think of a reason to leave and encounter all the non-masked 🤡 out there.
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A…case…you say? Well, that’s more than you’ll likely be able to handle (cough) so maybe we should saunter by and you can toss a few out the window in our general direction? I’ll stand on the street and yell…wait for it….”Stella!!”
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🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻
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At least THAT roach doesn’t crunch and goo underfoot.
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Very true but can you even imagine what one would feel like if it were to actually stay on the TP while it was put to use? Oh. my. dog. I gotta get outta here. Lemme out!
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You definitely have too much idle time! I’d make you sleep in the dog house! Hey, Max didn’t do it so he could stay inside 🙂
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Uh uh. As said upstream, Max and I are two halves that join to form a complete idiot. He shares the boon times; he shares the garage times. That was the theory at least. It now seems that he has been forgiven but that dispensation has not been extended to poor old me.
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🤣 You bought every minute in that garage. Since Max has been forgiven, don’t be surprised if he’s in on the revenge when it comes…and it will.
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I keep imploring him to do me a Matthew 5:39 but the vengeful Malt refuses to turn the other cheek. The other very furry cheek I might add since the groomers are closed. Save me, Obi-Wan.
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I heard those screams here!
Had Max not thought this a good idea he would have stopped you doing it.
Therefore he has the same humour you have!
So how come he gets allowed back in before you do?
It’s a giggle innit?
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Exactly! The Malt is 100% complicit but gets a free pass from the AJF. Hey! I can be cuddly, too. OK maybe not and I’ll certainly never get called “cute.” I don’t obey well either and I don’t do tricks. OK, so maybe the dog deserves better treatment. “I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!!” (Channeling my inner Elephant Man.)
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Ah, the joy of having free time! Although… perhaps in this case, it is not such a virtuous thing? Eww eww eww 😛
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A dog (and his owner) have to do what a dog has to do. It is what it is. Insert cliche of choice here.
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