SPAM was introduced to an adoring public in 1970 by the Monty Python Corporation.
That was a flat out lie.
SPAM is actually a mystery concoction featuring pork shoulder, packed in a can by caring essential employees at the Hormel meat packing plant in Minnesota.
USA! USA! USA! Freedom eagle, yeah! One more reason for the world to love us!
Wikipedia tells us that SPAM’s basic ingredients are pork with ham meat added, salt, water, modified potato starch, sugar, and sodium nitrite as a preservative. Natural gelatin is formed during cooking in its tins on the production line.
Personally, I think that super yummy and visually enticing “natural gelatin” floating on the top of SPAM explains the unique taste and texture of the ostensible meat.
Others suggest that the sodium nitrite is the best part of the product. Chacun à son gout.
There are about 20 variants of your basic gelatin-encased pig parts including a SPAM spread, SPAM Macadamia Nuts, and SPAM Pumpkin Spice.
Ever sensitive to consumers’ health consciousness, SPAM also comes in low sodium and low calorie versions (SPAM Lite).
SPAM has always had a reputation problem, even before it became the popular term for unwanted e-mail. It is mocked with abandon.
SPecial Army Meat, Superfluous Pieces of Additional Meat, Stuff Posing as Meat, Super Processed Artificial Meat, Satan’s Preferred Alternative Munchy…yeah, yeah, yeah.
I won’t even mention the Broadway musical Spamalot or Weird Al Yankovich’s eponymous song in bubblegum pop style, no less.
Rarely do Michelin starred chefs make SPAM the focus of their culinary talents. Indeed, the sliceable jellied oinker is typically associated with lower socio-economic classes and poverty.
I’m told Scottish people use the colloquial term “Spam valley” to describe certain affluent housing areas where residents appear to be wealthy but in reality are poor.
SPAM is not a big hit in Muslim countries. Quelle surprise.
It’s not a huge success story in downtown Tel Aviv, either.
However, Wiki informs us that a kosher variant of Spam, known as Loof (“לוף,” a Hebrew linguistic play on meatloaf), was produced as part of field rations for the Israel Defense Forces.
Kosher ham, who knew?
Despite spurious assaults on its character, SPAM is celebrated by folks in Hawaii, Guam and around the Pacific Rim where it is recognized (correctly) as a delicacy and the first protein choice when stocking a survival pantry because its sell-by date is “whenever” and its expiration date is “12th of never.”
These people know that SPAM is a versatile product that rivals Bubba Blue’s shrimp in the ways it can be served; for example, egg and Spam, egg bacon and Spam, Spam egg sausage and Spam, Spam egg Spam Spam bacon and Spam.
Hey! Can I get a little praise here? It’s not often one can combine a classic Forrest Gump reference and a classic Monty Python reference.
Anyway, in Max’s house we eat SPAM and the doggo gets small pieces, too. But only a little or there are, well, poo issues if you know what I mean and I think you do.
Our favorites are SPAM and eggs, as an ingredient in the AJF’s absolutely killer fried rice and as the classic Hawaii SPAM musubi, a sort of SPAM sandwich substituting rice, furikake and nori seaweed in lieu of bread.
We always keep a half dozen cans in our emergency food supplies. Just in case…
So go ahead, abuse our lack of sophistication and taste and act all snooty and judgey, neener neener, neener.
If Covid-19 mutates into the Zombie Virus, we’ll be sitting pretty chomping our pink stuff and having the last laugh.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha