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Another Bad Costume

This Halloween, Max is dressing as a virus. It reflects his infectious personality. :snorf:

Max modeled this costume after a romp in the park. Hence, dirty feet.

I made the Malt’s costume all by myself which accounts for how truly terrible it is. See, among my many other shortcomings, I don’t know how to sew. Mock me if you must.

The red spike proteins are sewn so tightly they’d withstand a typhoon.

It was a learning experience. For example, did you know that it is not necessary to tie knots after each stitch? Do you think that many people know that? It’s much faster if you don’t do it.

I used a child’s tee shirt, a ball of weird, red yarn and colored markers to create this masterpiece. All from Amazon; all for maybe $8 tops. Plus my labor which almost impossible to undervalue.

“I’m leaving.”

The AJF proclaimed the entire exercise as “absolutely ridiculous” but Max has a long and rich tradition of wearing poorly chosen, badly made and generally disappointing costumes. Why change when you are on a streak?

It was hard deciding what costume he would wear. I wanted something topical. No witches, werewolves, Disney characters or the usual possibilities.

“Why do you do this to me?“

There were several options available; Max wanted “none of the above.” The AJF nixed some of my better ideas on the thin grounds that they were – what was her description? – oh yes, “tasteless and offensive to normal people.”

Still, I think he would have made a great Dr. Fauci if I ruffled his head fur and added a pair of glasses.

“The shame is too much. I cannot show my face.”

I tried to make the costume scientifically accurate. You’ll no doubt appreciate my careful placement of the red spike proteins and nucleoproteins which govern virus replication. Or maybe not. The neighbor’s kid didn’t appreciate the effort. He saw Max and asked “what is he supposed to be – the measles?”

Hedgie the Hedgehog inherited the costume.

Sadly, The FurMeister will not be going out to trick or treat this year. We’re hunkering down but he will get a treat or several.

Unlike the silly dog costume, the real virus is serious stuff. Stay safe out there, friends.

“Be careful…I’m begging!”

Oh yeah, and teach your kids how to sew.

PS: Yes, I could have made mention about things that flu right by me or how this post could go viral or a thousand other bad puns but I restrained myself. What might show up in the comment section is another matter altogether. Beware.

PPS: I tried out my Halloween joke on the AJF: why do boy ghosts like girl ghosts? BOObs!!!!! The joke was a total failure, much like Max’s costume.

Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha

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59 replies ›

  1. Measles. At least the kid guessed a disease; he was at least in the ballpark. Me? I guessed that Max had been abducted and dressed up by a half-blind cheerleader: all those pompoms… My little guy came in all decked out in mud, nose-to-tail mud. Costume or camouflage? Costumed as camouflage?

    Well, at least you are using your time wisely, developing your crafting skills. Bravo.

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    • Hmmm…so…are half blind cheerleaders with a propensity for dognapping a popular costume in your neck of the forêt? We need to talk to the therapist. 😈 Sounds as though Jacques was dressing as the creature from the black lagoon. No doubt camouflage to creep up on the mice in the garden. Ah! I know! He was pretending to be the Predator! Good costume choice, Jacques.

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  2. Wonderful! I knew exactly what Max was supposed to be. Don’t let anyone art shame you. Art is an honest expression of self, so you cannot do wrong.

    (Next year will you aim for the topical “Forrest Fire” costume sort of like the one in Hunger Games?)

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    • I love how everyone is trying to be so kind when reviewing Max’s dreadful costume. They treat me like a very slow but occasionally amusing child. “Oh, yes, he does wet himself in public but have you noticed he can occasionally tie his own shoes?” If Art is an honest expression of oneself, my self must be a deeply warped and disturbed self, indeed. Maybe I should cut off one of my ears and start singing Starry, Starry Night? Nah…that sounds painful. I think I’ll follow the Toulouse Lautrec model and simply pour myself down a bottle of absinthe while painting streetwalkers. Yeah! That’s the ticket!

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  3. OMG! Murphy and I knew you’d be in the inbox for Halloween. Perhaps it should have been the Psyche Ward!

    Once again you have placed Max in the Hall of Shame with his costume. Poor little guy. He’s so used and abused. At least the damn corona virus saves him from being paraded outside to be further humiliated!

    Tom, despite what I just said, I’m LMAO! Your mind must be a very scary thing to live with. It’s so weird. You might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but you sure know how to use them! Needle and thread? Not so much!
    Ginger 🎃

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    • Yeah, my mind is a strange place, not one you’d want to visit. But I’m not schizophrenic and neither am I. You are absolutely correct that I am not the brightest crayon in the box nor the sharpest knife in the drawer and a few fries short a Happy Meal. Mind like a steel trap – rusty, unused and illegal in 37 states. Shall I continue? Fear not – these slings and arrows bounce off my hide which is as thick as a rhino’s. Oh well, my particular brand of drivel may not be much but I think we can all agree it’s better than talking politics! So…does Murphy get to wear a hat or a pretty dog dress or other costume? Why not? Huh? Huh?

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  4. Truly awesome! I totally get it. I’m impressed that you sewed it…really sincerely. Max is on the good list for wearing it. Chester on the other hand is in the doghouse after eating half of my husband’s birthday cake.

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    • Wow! You are easily impressed or perhaps you are part of the gang I described above in my reply to Bitey Dog’s comment. Chester should be ashamed of himself. If he was in a position to eat half of your hubby’s birthday cake, he was in a position to eat 100% of said cake. It’s a discredit to the species for him to have stopped at 50%. Tell him those are rookie numbers and we fully expect Chester to up his game!

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  5. “tasteless and offensive to normal people.”….so just right for those who follow this blog…it’s what we are used to, what we demand.
    Still, the virus was a good idea – not, of course, for poor downtrodden Max – and sowing it kept you from perpetrating any ‘tasteless and offensive to normal people’ activities, so you should be earning domestic brownie points. Unless you left the needle anywhere you should not have left it…..

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    • Speaking of needles. Turns out that they are tricky things. Were you aware that you cannot see where they will emerge when you stick them up from the back of the material? I managed to skewer myself on more than one occasion. I bled for my dog, now that’s loyalty. I don’t think sewing is in my future. The outlook for knitting and crochet work doesn’t look good either. I wouldn’t worry overmuch about poor, downtrodden Max. In exchange for a few minutes of humiliation he was handsomely rewarded. I, on the other hand, have to endure endless cruel verbal excoriation and yet maintain a cheerful attitude on this silly blog. Poor, downtrodden Tom is worthy of your sympathy but will probably never get any.

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  6. bahahaha! Oh, there is so much to love, or not, about this post. Helen is spot on with what your followers demand: tasteless and offensive. Yes, there is a Great Pumpkin! Happy Halloween!

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    • Yes, well, there is something to be said for knowing and playing to one’s audience. I guess that’s why I never get those nice invites and blog awards. No special little tokens to put on the home page. There simply are no awards for offensive and tasteless material but there should be. Maybe a “Rodney Dangerfield” award would be appropriate. I have noticed that posts about our pets’ biological habits get the highest number of “likes.” Wonder what that says about us?

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    • Macrame, perhaps? Tatting?
      You have all my sympathy when it comes to needles. Forced to do a year of needlework at school I managed to sew the rags which were meant to be a shirt to my school skirt – which I was wearing at the time.The skirt was formed from a serge cloth which would stand up on its own and we supposed its manufacture was intended to keep the Clyde shipyards un operation …but the blasted needle went through it!

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      • I remember macrame from the 60s and 70s. It was so trendy then with macrame everything from plant holders to underwear. But I’m not…knot…very dexterous so that’s probably not a craft option for me, Tatting to me means tattoos and you do not under any circumstance want me drawing anything permanent on anything least of all a body. Your reference to Clyde brings back a memory. In Honolulu harbor we had parked an old sailing ship named The Falls of Clyde which history buffs kept trying, without success, to convert into a museum.

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  7. Eyes rolling at that last P.S. You are too demented. Which is exactly why we like you so much. Here’s to safe but fun times this “Howliween.” We are not participating and indeed have plans to lock the front gate to make our feelings about this ridiculous celebration well known to the thick headed millennials in the neighborhood. We say just go buy a bag of Milky Ways for your offspring and leave us alone. #bahhumbug 😈

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  8. Maverick took one look, gave me the “don’t even think about it” stare, and walked away, tail high and proud. I love this costume so much. We never get trick or treaters. I’m not sure if it’s the long, dark driveway or my reputation. Either way, I’m okay with it. 🙂

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  9. HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, Max, you are the cutest virus EVER!!! 😉 😀 Your Human-Bean did a fab job with your costume!!! 🙂
    BTW: I’m sure you don’t even know any normal people. 😉 😛
    HUGS!!!
    Happy Halloween!!!
    👻 🧛‍♂️ 🎃 🧟‍♂️
    PS…Remember: Ghouls just wanna’ have fun!!! 😛

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  11. Poor Max, he doesn’t get any respect for his costume! Nox didn’t get a costume…she did get a bath on Sunday since the weather warmed up. She feels that Max got the better end of the deal since he just had to wear a bad costume and she had to get a bath.

    Tom – your joke was just baaaad! It did make me chuckle. We didn’t get any trick-or-treaters this year. I felt a misquote from “A Nightmare before Christmas” was fitting, “There goes Halloween.”

    I always look forward to your post, they make me laugh so hard.

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    • Yup, I think Max would rather wear the costume and bear the humiliation instead of having to take a bath which, frankly, he could use. He’s getting a little gamey. True evilness would have been to dress Nox as a mermaid (or shark!) and then toss her in the tub for a bath. We had the house closed and darkened for Halloween so no trick or treaters but I checked our security cameras and there were only about five or six small groups that even visited the neighborhood. You’re right – there goes Halloween.

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      • My son went to rock climb at the Main Event since he is too old to trick-or-treat. My husband and I turned the lights off and watched Hallmark movies. Probably the lamest Halloween in 16 yrs. I could hear a few trick-or-treaters going down the street and then we got 2 ding dong ditches near 11pm. That was a first for us. But my son shone lasers at them from upstairs and they took off. I got all the decorations out of the yard yesterday, so that’s one thing. You should keep Max’s costume for posterity. Or at least put a picture in a scrapbook.

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        • A laser defense system. I love it. Yeah, this holiday will join the Forgotten Brigade. I fear Thanksgiving and Christmas will be pretty down scale too. And what about New Years? Max’s costumes get thrown into a box in the laundry room. I guess that’s posterity.

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  15. Those red spike proteins really are pretty amazing. Those kinds of knots are Hard to get just right in the first place, And sew on… individually!? I see the evidence of that on the underside of the tee. Oof! How long did it take you?? You know if you’re any good with a glue gun you could make a fruit hat masterpiece to complement this and next year he could be Carmen Miranda. Just saying… Great ghoulies and ghosties and jokesies! Onward we march to turkey day! Gobble gobble 🦃😄

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    • I am ashamed to admit how long that took me to make. And here’s the other thing: Amazon now thinks I am always in the market for baby tee shirts and weird yarn balls. I don’t know how to inform Mr. Bezos that I do not want any more baby tee shirts or yarn balls so please stop flooding my inbox with the latest deal and new product offering. This is all the more reason for me to continue hating on Halloween. But I am a big time fan of Thanksgiving so so as you say…onward! Hot glue gun, eh? Let me look in Amazon…

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  17. Pingback: Max’s Halloween Variety Pack – WITHIN THE K STREETS

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