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Black Maltese

Freedom’s just another word
For nothing left to lose.
Nothing ain’t worth nothing
If it ain’t free.
–Thomas Jefferson
5th President of the United States

Tom Jefferson 1850-1921

These inspiring words by the great President Jefferson are just one reason he is memorialized on Mount Rushmore in Eastern North Dakota.

Is that information 100% accurate? Maybe not…after all, I got it from social media.

Nowadays there is so much information circulated on social media that is flat out wrong. Falsehoods, errors, lies and deceit started on social media gain traction when recirculated, until they become accepted as true or at least acquire the benefit of the doubt. Hence “viral” propagation.

You know all this already so let’s just start our story.

It was late in the evening and Max and I were sitting in our favorite easy chair enjoying the warmth of rich Corinthian pleather whilst nursing a couple of fingers of Old #7. Mr. Jack Daniels was going down as smooth as the Miles Davis album that Max had selected for our listening enjoyment.

He and I were opining that social media is a cancer on contemporary communications as we scrolled through some of the websites we haunt just so we can stay current with all the acronyms that the cool kids use. Max suggested that “AITA” would be the one most useful to me. I promised to check that out.

We spotted an ad that made this astounding offer:

“Rare Pure-Bred Black Maltese, 1 year old male, must re-home because of daughter’s allergy to pet dander. Re-homing fee of $1,200.”

Uh oh. I could sense that canine outrage was coming and I was not disappointed. Max was incensed. Irate. Totally micturated off.

Hard to find real news.

“This is wrong, DogDad. Lies! All lies! There is no such thing as a Black Maltese! Furthermore, (Max has a formal way of speaking) Maltese have hair, not fur and do not contribute to allergies! I am tired of these social media posts that deceive and confuse.”

He concluded, “Black Maltese Don’t Matter! Because there is no such thing as a Black Maltese!”

We both understood there was no species discrimination in his diatribe. Dog color makes no difference at all except that your common or garden white Maltese is devilishly hard to keep clean.

But…wait a minute. A quick review of websites suggested that there are many offers for “Black Maltese” on social media. Could they all be lies and deceit? We needed to investigate this matter at once.

Maltese dogs (formerly known by the more dramatic name “Ye Ancient Dogge of Malta”) have been around for maybe 8,000 years. This places them in the same gerontological category as cockroaches, Keith Richards and Betty White.

Most people just accept that a Maltese is synonymous with white dog. The American Kennel Club says so and who are we to doubt that mighty fount of doggie knowledge? But it wasn’t always that way.

Max: “I won’t stand for it.”

The controversy about color started in 1877 when a less than pure white Maltese was shown at a dog event in Westminster, England under the fabricated moniker “Maltese Lion Dog” suggesting there are variations among the breed.

That was bad enough but in 1879 a white Maltese with black ears was shown under an equally phony name “Maltese Skye Terrier”. That put the fox among the chickens as my sainted Aunt Wanda would say.

Because of these 19th century shenanigans faux-Maltese of all colors managed to participate in UK dog shows during 1902 to 1913. To add to the horror, the coats of these multi-colored puplets were much coarser than the silky white coats we see today.

Soon, the definition of breed standard for Maltese was a dumpster fire but of course they didn’t have dumpsters so I guess it was just a fire. :snorf:

Ultimate breed standard—Max

Fortunately, the British standard (oxymoron alert) or lack thereof for the noble Malt didn’t survive too long and, since the 1950s, Maltese dogs are expected to be pure white bark beasts.

By the way, this probably reflects a growing market demand during the early and mid 20th century for small, white dogs as much as any desire among breeders to establish a definitive breed standard. Money talks, good intentions walk, doncha know. But I digress.

Although pure-bred Maltese are primarily all white, you can find at some dog shows Malts with pale traces of color. For example, the American Kennel Club (AKC) breed standard allows pure white, white and tan, and white and lemon doggers provided the faint tan and lemon accent colors are only on the ears.

Outside of Freedom Land, the Federation Cynologique Internationale, also known in a more pronounceable manner as the World Canine Organization, accepts pale ivory or cream Maltese. But, you know, they are French, so make allowances. Hon hon.

Super rare albino Malt

Here’s a little known fact to astound your beer drinking buddies: Albino Maltese exist, though they are supremely rare. Albino Maltese have pink-ringed eyes and noses and even blue eyes!

So, what about this balderdash, claptrap and twaddle about Black Maltese? Well, when you cross a Maltese with a dog of another breed, the puppies born are (duh, obviously) a mixed breed and can be brown, black, tan, patchy colors and white.

Cute, but not pure-bred Malt

BUT (and it’s a really big butt like what you find on many of those who visit this blog) there is no such thing as a pure bred Black Maltese. Nope. Nada. Never happen.

C’est absolument impossible, mon potes.

Max was reassured by our research into this thorny issue. Well, he would have been reassured but he had fallen asleep long before. As for the AJF and moi, we don’t care what color or tint the FurButt is; he will always be our gentle little dog.

OK, it’s ‘fess up time:

I need to disclose that nothing that I said about Thomas Jefferson is true. That quote up top came from Kris Kristofferson’s song “Me and Bobby McGee,” Jefferson was the 3rd (not 5th) president of the US, he is not among the faces on Mt. Rushmore and Mt. Rushmore is in western South Dakota. Other than that, it’s all true.

The moral of this story? Aside from explaining that people offering Black Maltese for sale are scamming the public, we must always remember:

“You simply cannot trust social media.”
—-Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg, 1925

The original 1970 version although many say the Janis Joplin version is superior.

Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha

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67 replies ›

  2. I agree with our friend Lois….if Honest Abe said it, then it’s true!

    Hands down Max would win any contest, no matter what color the other Maltese dogs are. That’s a no brainer!

    Tom, this post really exposes how your brain works. It’s very scary!!

    Funny, funny post. I laughed out loud. Or maybe that was leftover burps from yesterday! Hmmmmm……..
    Ginger

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    • A little Pepto Bismol and you’ll feel a lot better soon, Ginger! The same breed issues exist with Goldens, right? There are all these exotic doodles and mixes and stuff presented as though they were separate breeds when they are what we used to call in Hawaii “chop suey” or “mixed plate.” By the way, my brain is fine, just fine. When I locate it, I’ll show you the proof.

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  3. I just had to comment…you were looking at…Craigslist pets. They also post AKC Doodles. and Merle (name a breed—Bulldogs usually, and Pomeranians). Of course, these are all scams. The people who fall for them? Believe everyone has the same level of ING INTEGRITY they have (& it f they don’t? They are Christians. Imperfect. they’ll ask Jesus to forgive them.
    I address integrity in my (erotic romance) POLYANDRESS. I made it an erotic romance because nobody wants to read about integrity, and many people think all dog breeders are the same, Obviously, they are not…& the scammers posting on Craigslist are not breeders. You won’t be getting ripped off by a breeder—but by a scammer.

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    • You got that right, Robyn, a reputable breeder would never scam like those social media dog floggers. Max is not much for erotic romance. Not since that fateful day at the veterinarian 13 1/2 years ago in St. George Utah. Since then he’s pretty much only interested in humping feet. He likes to say to his life is like an erotic romance only without the eroticism or romance.

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    • Actually Max is the world’s most gentle dog. He has never nipped or snapped at anyone, ever, even if his food is being taken from his mouth. Absolute softie. But he does stamp his small paws and acts a little snippy when miffed. No bros or sis on the horizon. At 13 1/2 he would be aghast at having to share his life of luxury with (gasp) another dog. I think Maxwell will be our last, best dog so I hope his plan of being immortal comes true.

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  9. My biggest accomplishment last week was talking a girl out of buying a Golden-doodle. (AKA, a mutt) It drives me crazy – I love most dogs but I hate the “breeders” who are scamming people with these high priced mutts and their claims that they’re hypoallergenic. ARRRGGGHHH!

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  10. I hear you, friend! You and Max could sit together on that fine pleather recliner and get your rant on! With the pandemic, the proliferation of dog scammers has exploded as have the prices. Malts (real ones) are going for up to $2,000 dollars! We’d never leave Max unguarded with that temptation for crooks. Malts look like puppies even when old so they would be good targets for dog robbers wanting to steal a “Christmas puppy” gift.

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  11. BWAHAHAHA…luckily your learned readers bought none of that Gettysburg or Jefferson nonsense. We did however enjoy a chuckle which shall no doubt count as calories expended for our spacious derrières. Moral to your post…always know whatever Max says is truth, justice and the American way. Well two out of three anyway. We’ve sort of lapsed on the later with respect to the two formers. Good dog, Max!

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    • Max is not the beacon of honesty he makes himself out to be! He has learned this sneaky trick of “limping” around to attract attention but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with his paw. The malady instantly disappears if there’s a chance of a walk or a treat and then no sign of the limp until later and then it’s the other foot. He learned the trick after actually injuring his paw and getting lots of DogMom lovies and goodies. I think he has confused “shake” and “high five” with “limp.”

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    • He is such a great song writer. Some folks won’t give a listen because he’s in the “country” genre but there’s a lot of good stuff. One of his biggest hits was “Sunday Morning Coming Down” and I rank that as one of the best contemporary songs ever. “The Pilgrim,” “For the Good Times” and “Silver Tongue Devil” are terrific too. Then there’s “Help Me Make It Through the Night”…you get the idea…I’m a fan.

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  13. I thought that Mr. Jefferson quote sounded familiar! 😉
    And, OH, that Mr. Lincoln…what a forward thinking, ahead of his time man!!! 😉

    Maybe that little Malt IS a pure-bred, but works as a coal miner. ???

    BTW: That great song was written and first sung by Billy McGee, Bobby’s cousin…documenting their travels. If you believe that I have some other truths to tell you. 😉 😛
    (((HUGS)))
    PS…thanks for the snort-laughs!!! 😀

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  14. Truth be told, that albino appeared to be suffering from ennui in the same manner that Max often does. I’ll toss that pretend hybrid black Maltese into to the same basket as gypsies, tramps, and thieves. Nice try.

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        • Hope it’s not serious and that you feel better real soon! Nowadays, maintaining our health is foremost on all our minds. I’ve heard reports that good beer helps. Can’t guarantee it, but I’m investigating and currently clinical trials, lots and lots of clinical trials!

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          • Actually, I was drinking a beer at the onset of it all. Lips and face went numb and now two months have passed, along with doctor visits galore, bloodwork, and yet another MRI this week. No one has a clue. And when I had two craft ales last Sunday, I got the worst headache! The cure has become the curse! But it has taught me to never drink another Louisiana beer, bc that’s how it all started.

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            • Wow. That sounds scary. I get nervous when I hear about MRIs. I thought maybe you had just come down with the Tijuana Two-Step. I’m crossing Louisiana beer off my list of clinical trials. Come to think of it, I’ve never had a LA (other than Los Angeles) beer so maybe it was indeed the cause.

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  15. Max, I am glad your human was able to reassure you that there are no such dogs as black Malts. Tell Tom that I hurt so bad after laughing to hard from reading his deep dive into the craziness of the Internet.

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All comments are welcome, so speak! Speak! Good dog.

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