Max woke me up to show me this headline story:
8-year-old border collie named Lulu inherits $5 million in owner’s will
You can click on that headline to get all the deets as the cool kids say, but don’t let your dog read the article.
Before rolling over and going back to sleep I assured the greedy little Furbeast that he would inherit the bulk of our estate which was estimated at $19.47 thanks to the politicians and their taxes.
Anyway, that has nothing to do with today’s story. As usual.
Our neighbor, the one we enjoy annoying by sneaking stuffed hedgehogs into his Nativity Scene, has taken up squirrel feeding as a hobby during these dark days of winter.
The menu consists of peanuts in the shell. He has installed a large hopper-like device that allows free feeding by the squirrels. Of course, the rapacious little beasts are constantly queuing to get the nuts.
All day it is non-stop squirrels running across Max’s back fence to get to the peanut feeder and then traversing said fence in the opposite direction to return to their woodsy domicile.
Did I mention that the sight of squirrels drives Max insane? I mean Jeffrey Dahmer, foaming-at-the-mouth, wear-a-silly-hat-and-storm-the Capitol crazy.
He expresses his displeasure with a horrendously high-pitched yapping bark that mightily offends my eardrums.
He charges the glass doors so hard we fear he will end up with a nose even shorter than now. We don’t want a pug-like Maltese. Not to cast any shade on pugs, mind you.
Suffice to say we are not happy campers at the moment. Our only defense has been to keep the drapes and shutters closed so Attila the Maltese doesn’t spot the fluff-tailed rodents.
Click on the video to see an approximation of what Max looks like when first a squirrel is spotted:
Needless to say, the neighbor is going to find an extra special surprise in this year’s Nativity Scene.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha
WITHIN THE K STREETS 
Elsa lifts a paw in solidarity with Max. She loathes the tree rats. I’ve done everything I can do short of chopping down the gigantic Silver Maple to discourage the squirrels in the yard. Thankfully the neighbors have not installed feeders which keeps me in their good graces.
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I have to devise a defense or this drive us crazy. I’ve been thinking slingshot. Silent but deadly. If not the rodents then a shot at the feeder, at night, from a different direction, after checking for cameras. Just idly considering, no real thoughts yet…😡
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We’d happily provide an alibi if need be and are good with sling shots. CO2 pellet guns also seem justified.
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I knew I could count on my Colorado buddies! As the saying goes: “Friends help you move; good friends help you move the body.” Pellets are under serious consideration. 30-06 pellets.
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And really good friends always keep their lips sealed. Except when providing a most plausible alibi. 30-06…you crack me up. Is that for the squirrels or the neighbor?
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Is that for the squirrels or the neighbor?
YES.
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🤣🤣🤣
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Lemme know when I should over the outdoor cats. For his heft, Chunk is surprisingly agile at stalking squirrels. Of course, with my high-pitched squeals, the squirrels run for the trees before Chunk can get to them. But it’s an idea…
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What? You are protecting rodents? C’mon man, as they say in Washington. That…that…that is un American. Let Chunk have his freedom and a nice snack. Free Chunk! Free Chunk!
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I get upset when they bring me lizards (lots and lot of lizards), I’d totally lose it if they came to me with a squirrel. Free Rocky!
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Truth to tell, I’d pay good money to watch Chunk squirrels on my back fence. It would be a hoot. Bullwinkle will rescue you!
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Hmmm….sounds like the squirrel mafia may have gotten to your neighbor, he provides fresh peanuts in exchange for his life!! Squirrels are evil and must be monitored at all times!!! 😉😉😂
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You know, I think you may be on to something. W need a basset to “sniff out” the evidence! “Monitor” squirrels? Yeah, I’d like to monitor their furry little tails in Squirrel Hades.
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Poor max! Those bad squirrels tormenting him like that! Chester is a kindred spirit and launches himself at the glass sliding door. He says to tell max to try that. If nothing else it gets the lazy owner off the couch to let you chase the beasts.
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Chester launching at a glass door portends far more disastrous results than a 15 pound Fluff Butt. Chester might actually make it through whereas the best Max can hope for is to bounce off with little damage beyond his pride.
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Ask them to move the feeder. Squirrels will find a way to those peanuts, count on it. Explain why, let’s face it, this is no time to be sitting in the dark on a bright, sunny day. If they don’t, release the beast, preferably on. a weekend morning. Refer all neighbor complaints next door.
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This is the neighbor I torment every Xmas. I think I have already poisoned the well of bonhomie. I once tried to get him to chip in on trimming HIS eucalyptus trees so I didn’t get so many leaves in my yard and after hearing my pitch, he simply said, “no” and closed his door in my face. I may have to resort to stronger options. I am not without ideas but must be careful when posting such to social media because…reasons.
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I guess we are fortunate Max in that we have lots of trees in our area but not a lot of squirrels. Good thing because Murphy’s barking and antics would drive a tea drinker to drink straight from the whiskey bottle!
Maybe an ear-splitting horn would drive them away….. Or the idiot neighbor. Either way, it could solve the problem with no loss of life on either side of the fence!
Good luck Max!
Ginger
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That’s clearly the reason I switched from tea to Jack in the Black. I need a solution that ideally can not be traced back to me. This is the only one of my neighbors who is like this. While he gets no sympathy or support from the other homeowners I don’t want an evidence trail.
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Darn squirrels! Grr… 😬
Poor Max! 😦 Coop joins you in yapping at the squirrels!
Guess we’ve all got something or someone that drives us nuts! 😉
Extra PATS and RUBS for Max!!! 🙂
HA! Remember to please share a photo of your neighbors 2021 nativity scene! 😛 I will look forward to it! 😀
(((HUGS))) and thanks for the laughs! That video made me snort! 😛
PS…
Q: What did the Dad squirrel tell to his children?
A: Acorn-y jokes! 😀
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Is Coop a squirrel chaser? Does he get the opportunity to actually pursue these pests or must he sit on the sidelines and only dream of running after them?
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Coop hasn’t chased anything but balls or toys in awhile. When he was younger he liked to chase lizards. 😀
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Coop’s enjoying the leisurely life style as befits a senior dog.
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That he is! 🙂
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Perhaps you could encourage the squirrels to organize a peaceful protest. Whenever peaceful protests occur ne’re-do-wells inevitable show up. When your neighbor sees all of that mayhem in his back yard, it might provide incentive to get rid of the feeder.
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Sort of a Squirrels Lives Matter movement? I don’t know how to organize that. I guess I could carry a whole bunch of peanuts and lead the beasts like a Pied Piper into the neighbor’s yard. They do “chitter” a lot with that squeaky little sound they make. Maybe I should record that and blast the noise back at the neighbor? Hmm…some new options to consider.
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We have the solution to the problem. Having cactus instead works for us.
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I can’t figure out the details yet but I certainly could see cactus figuring prominently in my future response to this affront.
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It has brought out the domestic terrorist in you….it will be Guantanamo Bay and the orange overalls before you know it…
Can you put broken glass on top of your fence, or is it too narrow?
Could you take up hawking…birds, I mean, not unpleasant noises in the throat. You’d need a pair as the diet of incessant squirrel served up like a sushi restaurant would be enough to ground a singleton..
Is the feeder within range for coating it with cayenne pepper?
But it sounds to me more like having to deal with the neighbour as much as the squirrels….all day bagpipe music might work – and would probably clear the entire area of any living thing.
Otherwise I could send you a solution, as the disreputable magazines used to say, under plain brown cover….
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I knew I could count on you for multiple, creative suggestions. Given your experiences with your own “Neighbour” (extraneous vowel included) you have the
proper mind set for this kind of domestic bout. Broken glass won’t work, alas, because that fence is also a thoroughfare for creatures of which we approve such as opossums. A cayenne peeper balloon launched by slingshot or even trebuchet has possibilities. I especially like the bagpipe idea as it inflicts maximum pain on the perpetrator of the squirrel proliferation. If I pursue this idea I am sure you and Tynecastle can make appropriate recommendations as to the score.
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‘Too long in this condition’ is a pibroch guaranteed to drain the life out of any sentient being not supplied with earplugs and copious doses of alcohol….
Or if you fancy something jaunty, repetition of ‘Blue Bonnets’ will induce wailing and gnashing of teeth….
But hold! There is something far, far wprse…..
Jimy Shand and his Band with ‘The Bluebell Polka’….https://youtu.be/g3hAtxZXNrA
Or the nuclear option
Andy stewart and ‘Donald where’s your troosers’….https://youtu.be/4yw0bLHTOb0
Or folk music… a few choruses of knickety knackety noo noo noo from ‘The wee cooper o’ Fife’ and you’ll have the whole neighbourhood upon you with flaming brands and pitchforks…
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I will be downloading these and reviewing them for suitability. I will play them over our home system at full blast and when the AJF starts screaming and Max starts bleeding from his ears I will know that I have found just the perfect tune. Perhaps I can supplement the bagpipe concert with a dozen playings of “What’s New Pussycat?” in the original Tom Jones’ version.
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Better fit earplugs in your good lady before trying that one…and while she is so adorned you could try ‘The Ball at Kirriemuir’…but that might attract an audience…https://youtu.be/y64uWjtSKAo
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Well, that’s not one to play at the Sunday church social, is it? Suggests a novel use for the mantelpiece. That was the kind of tune that cries out for alcohol in copious amounts.
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Well, at least the minister’s ie was in attendance…
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😄
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Such cruelty on sweet little furry creatures.
I am aghast!
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You just have pigeons, from what I recall….
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That’s different.
They are not cuddle and make a noise…
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Rats with wings.
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Ms. Devries has experience dealing with difficult neighbors and I was simply leveraging her wealth of knowledge.
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Why would anyone dislike Bagpipe music…?
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There are strange people about….no accounting for their tastes…put it down to a lack of culture…
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Lack of culture indeed!
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:…keys in “Scottish Twitter” for a dose of culture…:
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Only a “culture” like that which grows in dark, damp places and on petri dishes would willingly subject itself to that music. If forced, I’d choose rap first.
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‘See me…’ any more of this and the glasses will be upturned on the bar…
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Uh oh. That’s getting serious. Let me think on it a bit.
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In the meantime mine’s a Lavagulin.
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I guess it is an acquired taste. If you have any taste you won’t acquire it.
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You’re risking a gathering of the clans…the fiery cross will be borne aloft the nicht.
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I’ll fling tatties and doner kabobs at the marauding masses. That will stop them in their tracks.
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Make it Lorne sausage in a Glasgow morning roll with brown sauce and you stand a chance.
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The key is getting the squirrels to organize themselves. Tell them that the black squirrels of Kent State campus are being unfairly profiled as nut-pilferers. Tell them The Man is keeping them down with those unshelled peanut handouts. C’mon man, have some pride and stand up for yourselves.
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This is starting to sound like the CIA of squirrel remover tactics. False flag operations. Riling the squirrel bourgeoisie. Antifa rodents! I think I need to stick to simpler solutions albeit evil ones.
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Throwing rocks is both simple and effective. 😊. And also pretty fun.
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Maverick is on the way. He also hates squirrels but Daddeee shoots them round here so he’s itchin to chase a few of those hairy rodents right straight to hell
This would really suck if it weren’t kinda funny
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See, that’s the kind of solution I can get behind. But the Alpha Japanese Female thinks target practice in a California suburb would end up with me in jail and maybe even on death row for daring to injure one of God’s precious creatures. I mean, this is California do I have to say more? At least where you are they eat them for dinner and stew them as covered dishes and bring them for special events so there’s more justification for shooting the rats with tails.
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normally we just toss them into the front field and let nature take its course but if you feel like a feast, I can probably freeze some and send them out. That might be a deterrent to the peanut eaters!
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Squirrel’s good eatin!
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Maybe, but then again, maybe not!
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Is your neighbor deaf? If not, then a few days of Max barking outside, at the fence, might convince him to reconsider his recently-discovered love of rodents. I’m sure Max will enjoy helping you.
Or record Max’s interior barking at the squirrels, find a cheap device for playback, and insert it into this year’s hedgehog in the manger. If you can start/stop the recording my remote, even better. Delayed gratification for you, but sweet and apropos revenge.
Just make sure we don’t all read about you and your neighbor in the news as this duel escalates…
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Excellent ideas. I can’t leave Max alone to bark without enraging the good neighbors. This is SoCal, not the barren wilds where Malamutes are free to howl at the coyotes. I need a scalpel , not a bludgeon to deliver my wrath. You may be sure this year’s Christmas scene will be the target of a prank. But my revenge cannot wait until then.
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I hope that dog has his SAG card. He can really emote. Roxie is just like Max. She loses her mind when she sees the squirrels. She will stand at the door looking out the glass because she wants the taste of blood. The squirrels mock her. I for one, hope Max gets one some day.
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In a fair fight, my money would be on the squirrel. Max is such a softie. No offense at all. Like the Dallas Cowboys. Oh, no defense either.
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Ouch!
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LRAD pointed toward the neighbor?
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One characteristic of LRAD is that the sound waves deflect off dense and rigid surfaces. I think a squirrel’s skull is dense and rigid so maybe it would work. Alternatively, I KNOW that the neighbor’s skull is dense and rigid. So, win-win.
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That would be Duncan to a T! He barks at pretty much everything so… He even jumps up and barks at the TV!
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Duncan would have a field day in my backyard as the Parade ‘O Squirrels continues all day long.
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Nox stands with Max on the evilness of squirrels. She enjoys seeing them from the French doors and then running out her dog door to get to the evil beasts. The squirrels scramble up the trees in the back yard and tell her off. Our next door neighbor feeds the squirrels peanuts and the squirrels hide them in our yard. The squirrels are smart enough not to eat the rotten peanuts they dig up, but Nox finds them to be tasty even though rotten peanuts make her sick. We have discussed this with our neighbor and even his wife, who doesn’t want the squirrels.
Luna almost caught a squirrel once, much to Nox’s chagrin. Luna preformed the same maneuver that cheetahs do to down their game. Luna knocked the squirrel’s back feet out from under it while it was making a mad dash to the tree. Luna and Nox were hot on it’s heels, but it recovered enough to make it up the tree. Luna was so proud of herself!
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Wild Kingdom! So I guess you don’t have a solution for squirrel invasions either, huh? I’ve noticed that the little beasts are starting to hoard nuts and bury them in my raised planter beds. The insult! Maybe you could capture Luna’s hunting technique on video and I could use that to train Max. He is woefully lacking in hunting skills.
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Nope, the free peanuts draw them in like flies to honey. You will have to find a video of a cheetah hunting to show Max as Luna crossed over the rainbow bridge last year.
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You have squirrels! How lovely!
Such admirable creatures, fast, agile, pleasant furry creatures that warm the heart.
Max, I suspect you bark because you are jealous of their athletic abilities?
Worry not, some blundering oaf will come along and shoot them soon enough.
You are in the USA remember.
I often watch the cuddly things running about over the road. Several live there.
Only the pigeons object.
Lucky dog!
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Fortunately, here in America anybody can buy a machine gun and anti-tank weapons at the corner store so I will be well-armed in my battle against the vile rodent. Should you wish to come and cuddle them before their demise, please do!
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Hmmm… do I detect a hint of irritablity here…?
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Not at all. I just happen to live in a home where I can’t open the drapes or shutters to my back yard because of a crazed Maltese, a peanut feeder, an uncooperative neighbor and SQUIRRELS. But, no, no stress here.
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The Jack Daniels must be working…
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Jack has never let me down. I just have to adjust the dosage in my IV bag.
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That’s the spirt!
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Give some to Max!
It may quieten him.
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He wants to add some water and I will not be party to such uncouth behavior.
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Ah well, that’s all right then.
Obnoxious neighbours we have all had.
Lucky quiet ones these days but in the past murder was considered…
Apparently the officer indicated this broke some Law.
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Easter is fast approaching … perhaps a decorative accessory akin to what might be “appropriate” in a nativity scene type … maybe 😝
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Oh yes, we are on the same page. I am deliberating exactly how best to deploy Googly Eyes against the Hedgehog in the Nativity Scene Neighbor! I like how you think!
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Those googly eyes are coming in very very handy…. if only you could attach them to the real squirrels somehow. The neighbors might stop feeding them and how!
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Oh the squirrels. Don’t get me started again. It’s supposed to rain this week and maybe that will cut down on the number of trips across the fence.
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