Squirrel Yappy

Max woke me up to show me this headline story:

8-year-old border collie named Lulu inherits $5 million in owner’s will

You can click on that headline to get all the deets as the cool kids say, but don’t let your dog read the article.

Before rolling over and going back to sleep I assured the greedy little Furbeast that he would inherit the bulk of our estate which was estimated at $19.47 thanks to the politicians and their taxes.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with today’s story. As usual.

How much are you worth, DogDad? Really? That little?

Our neighbor, the one we enjoy annoying by sneaking stuffed hedgehogs into his Nativity Scene, has taken up squirrel feeding as a hobby during these dark days of winter.

The menu consists of peanuts in the shell. He has installed a large hopper-like device that allows free feeding by the squirrels. Of course, the rapacious little beasts are constantly queuing to get the nuts.

All day it is non-stop squirrels running across Max’s back fence to get to the peanut feeder and then traversing said fence in the opposite direction to return to their woodsy domicile.

Did I mention that the sight of squirrels drives Max insane? I mean Jeffrey Dahmer, foaming-at-the-mouth, wear-a-silly-hat-and-storm-the Capitol crazy.

He expresses his displeasure with a horrendously high-pitched yapping bark that mightily offends my eardrums.

He charges the glass doors so hard we fear he will end up with a nose even shorter than now. We don’t want a pug-like Maltese. Not to cast any shade on pugs, mind you.

Suffice to say we are not happy campers at the moment. Our only defense has been to keep the drapes and shutters closed so Attila the Maltese doesn’t spot the fluff-tailed rodents.

Click on the video to see an approximation of what Max looks like when first a squirrel is spotted:

Needless to say, the neighbor is going to find an extra special surprise in this year’s Nativity Scene.

87 replies

  1. Elsa lifts a paw in solidarity with Max. She loathes the tree rats. I’ve done everything I can do short of chopping down the gigantic Silver Maple to discourage the squirrels in the yard. Thankfully the neighbors have not installed feeders which keeps me in their good graces.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lemme know when I should over the outdoor cats. For his heft, Chunk is surprisingly agile at stalking squirrels. Of course, with my high-pitched squeals, the squirrels run for the trees before Chunk can get to them. But it’s an idea…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Poor max! Those bad squirrels tormenting him like that! Chester is a kindred spirit and launches himself at the glass sliding door. He says to tell max to try that. If nothing else it gets the lazy owner off the couch to let you chase the beasts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chester launching at a glass door portends far more disastrous results than a 15 pound Fluff Butt. Chester might actually make it through whereas the best Max can hope for is to bounce off with little damage beyond his pride.


  4. Ask them to move the feeder. Squirrels will find a way to those peanuts, count on it. Explain why, let’s face it, this is no time to be sitting in the dark on a bright, sunny day. If they don’t, release the beast, preferably on. a weekend morning. Refer all neighbor complaints next door.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is the neighbor I torment every Xmas. I think I have already poisoned the well of bonhomie. I once tried to get him to chip in on trimming HIS eucalyptus trees so I didn’t get so many leaves in my yard and after hearing my pitch, he simply said, “no” and closed his door in my face. I may have to resort to stronger options. I am not without ideas but must be careful when posting such to social media because…reasons.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I guess we are fortunate Max in that we have lots of trees in our area but not a lot of squirrels. Good thing because Murphy’s barking and antics would drive a tea drinker to drink straight from the whiskey bottle!

    Maybe an ear-splitting horn would drive them away….. Or the idiot neighbor. Either way, it could solve the problem with no loss of life on either side of the fence!

    Good luck Max!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s clearly the reason I switched from tea to Jack in the Black. I need a solution that ideally can not be traced back to me. This is the only one of my neighbors who is like this. While he gets no sympathy or support from the other homeowners I don’t want an evidence trail.


  6. Darn squirrels! Grr… ๐Ÿ˜ฌ
    Poor Max! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Coop joins you in yapping at the squirrels!
    Guess we’ve all got something or someone that drives us nuts! ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Extra PATS and RUBS for Max!!! ๐Ÿ™‚
    HA! Remember to please share a photo of your neighbors 2021 nativity scene! ๐Ÿ˜› I will look forward to it! ๐Ÿ˜€
    (((HUGS))) and thanks for the laughs! That video made me snort! ๐Ÿ˜›
    Q: What did the Dad squirrel tell to his children?
    A: Acorn-y jokes! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Perhaps you could encourage the squirrels to organize a peaceful protest. Whenever peaceful protests occur neโ€™re-do-wells inevitable show up. When your neighbor sees all of that mayhem in his back yard, it might provide incentive to get rid of the feeder.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sort of a Squirrels Lives Matter movement? I don’t know how to organize that. I guess I could carry a whole bunch of peanuts and lead the beasts like a Pied Piper into the neighbor’s yard. They do “chitter” a lot with that squeaky little sound they make. Maybe I should record that and blast the noise back at the neighbor? Hmm…some new options to consider.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. It has brought out the domestic terrorist in you….it will be Guantanamo Bay and the orange overalls before you know it…

    Can you put broken glass on top of your fence, or is it too narrow?

    Could you take up hawking…birds, I mean, not unpleasant noises in the throat. You’d need a pair as the diet of incessant squirrel served up like a sushi restaurant would be enough to ground a singleton..

    Is the feeder within range for coating it with cayenne pepper?

    But it sounds to me more like having to deal with the neighbour as much as the squirrels….all day bagpipe music might work – and would probably clear the entire area of any living thing.
    Otherwise I could send you a solution, as the disreputable magazines used to say, under plain brown cover….

    Liked by 3 people

  9. The key is getting the squirrels to organize themselves. Tell them that the black squirrels of Kent State campus are being unfairly profiled as nut-pilferers. Tell them The Man is keeping them down with those unshelled peanut handouts. Cโ€™mon man, have some pride and stand up for yourselves.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Is your neighbor deaf? If not, then a few days of Max barking outside, at the fence, might convince him to reconsider his recently-discovered love of rodents. I’m sure Max will enjoy helping you.

    Or record Max’s interior barking at the squirrels, find a cheap device for playback, and insert it into this year’s hedgehog in the manger. If you can start/stop the recording my remote, even better. Delayed gratification for you, but sweet and apropos revenge.

    Just make sure we don’t all read about you and your neighbor in the news as this duel escalates…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Excellent ideas. I can’t leave Max alone to bark without enraging the good neighbors. This is SoCal, not the barren wilds where Malamutes are free to howl at the coyotes. I need a scalpel , not a bludgeon to deliver my wrath. You may be sure this year’s Christmas scene will be the target of a prank. But my revenge cannot wait until then.


  11. I hope that dog has his SAG card. He can really emote. Roxie is just like Max. She loses her mind when she sees the squirrels. She will stand at the door looking out the glass because she wants the taste of blood. The squirrels mock her. I for one, hope Max gets one some day.

    Liked by 1 person

    • One characteristic of LRAD is that the sound waves deflect off dense and rigid surfaces. I think a squirrel’s skull is dense and rigid so maybe it would work. Alternatively, I KNOW that the neighbor’s skull is dense and rigid. So, win-win.


  12. Nox stands with Max on the evilness of squirrels. She enjoys seeing them from the French doors and then running out her dog door to get to the evil beasts. The squirrels scramble up the trees in the back yard and tell her off. Our next door neighbor feeds the squirrels peanuts and the squirrels hide them in our yard. The squirrels are smart enough not to eat the rotten peanuts they dig up, but Nox finds them to be tasty even though rotten peanuts make her sick. We have discussed this with our neighbor and even his wife, who doesnโ€™t want the squirrels.

    Luna almost caught a squirrel once, much to Noxโ€™s chagrin. Luna preformed the same maneuver that cheetahs do to down their game. Luna knocked the squirrelโ€™s back feet out from under it while it was making a mad dash to the tree. Luna and Nox were hot on itโ€™s heels, but it recovered enough to make it up the tree. Luna was so proud of herself!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wild Kingdom! So I guess you don’t have a solution for squirrel invasions either, huh? I’ve noticed that the little beasts are starting to hoard nuts and bury them in my raised planter beds. The insult! Maybe you could capture Luna’s hunting technique on video and I could use that to train Max. He is woefully lacking in hunting skills.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. You have squirrels! How lovely!
    Such admirable creatures, fast, agile, pleasant furry creatures that warm the heart.
    Max, I suspect you bark because you are jealous of their athletic abilities?
    Worry not, some blundering oaf will come along and shoot them soon enough.
    You are in the USA remember.
    I often watch the cuddly things running about over the road. Several live there.
    Only the pigeons object.
    Lucky dog!

    Liked by 1 person

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