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Malts and Leprechauns

“Is this going to be another long-winded story?

Let’s talk Leprechauns!

In Irish folklore, the Leprechaun is said to be a solitary creature, a three-foot-tall grizzled figure who wears a fanciful green coat and top hat and whose principal occupation is cobbling shoes. Leprechauns can live for hundreds of years, are said to enjoy making mischief and are rumored to have a hidden pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. They smell of Irish Spring deodorant. Just kidding on that last one.

Leprechauns live burrowed deep in underground caves with entrances disguised as rabbit holes or hollow tree trunks. They diligently avoid humans who seek to capture them so as to be granted 3 wishes in barter for the Leprechaun’s freedom.

Available on Amazon. Send one to your Irish relatives. They love this stuff.

That whole thing about pinching people who don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day? That’s because tradition says wearing green makes you invisible to Leprechauns, who like to pinch anyone they can see. Similar behavior can be seen in New York Governors.

Actually, the notion that Leprechauns dress in green is fairly recent. Prior to the 20th century, it was generally held that Leprechauns wore red, not green. Even Yeats said so and who are we to question good old W.B.?

Leprechaun tales make for entertaining and imaginative reading – but could they all be based in more fact than fiction? About 30 years ago, a “Leprechaun suit” was discovered on Carlingford mountain in County Louth, Ireland alongside some small bones and a collection of four gold coins.

Sceptics saw it as part of an elaborate hoax, concocted by bored jokers after one too many pints of Guinness. But a handful believers, known in Gaelic as “The Gullible” (j/k) saw it as confirmation that there might just be an element of truth supporting centuries of folklore.

The Head Gullible was Kevin Woods, supposedly Ireland’s last “Leprechaun Whisperer.” If you want to read all the deets about the Last of The Real Leprechauns, check out this story in the Irish Post!

Were they real? Click on the link above. (Note: Leprechaun clickbait.)

There are no female Leprechauns which is probably why the males live so long. On the other hand, Leprechauns are described as grouchy, untrusting, and peevish creatures which may be due to the absence of female company. You be the judge.

The pugnacious Leprechaun of Notre Dame University.

The four most famous Leprechauns in the world are found in the USA. You can probably name them all: the Lucky Charms breakfast cereal spokesman, the official mascot of the Fighting Irish sports teams at the University of Notre Dame, the vengeful star of the eponymous horror film, and the symbol of the Boston Celtics professional basketball team.

“Lucky” is the Leprechaun on the box of Lucky Charms cereal. First introduced to supermarket shelves in the mid-1960s, sugar-packed Lucky Charms boasted something that no other cereal at the time could offer: tiny marshmallow bits shaped like moons, hearts, stars and four-leafed clovers. “Magically delicious!”

He’s the Diabeetus Leprechaun!

For a half century, the General Mills cereal ads have used the same old shtick. Lucky uses his magical powers to evade annoyingly aggressive children trying to steal his Lucky Charms. What you may not know is that each of those little marshmallow tidbits, (they are technically called “marbits”) has a name and provides Lucky with a special ability.

Even odder is that the singing group Pentatonix created a special song “Evolution of Lucky Charms”, in which the five-member vocal group extols the virtues of the multicolored marshmallow marbits, including “hourglasses, rainbows, and tasty red balloons” while taking a musical journey through all the various Lucky Charms jingles from over the years. Here, you can have a listen to this great waste of significant a capella talent:

Lucky Charms has even attained a bit of status as a “woke” brand after General Mills allowed as how the rainbow depicted on the packages was in support of gay pride. “If you’re lucky enough to be different, we’re celebrating you,” said the Company.

They could have said, “If you seek affirmation of your value as a human being from a cartoon character based on a evil mythical figure who spends his time hiding cereal, we’re sincerely worried about you.” I guess that wouldn’t roll off the tongue so easily, eh?

By the way, if you want more information about the history and lore of Lucky Charms, check out this website: The Untold Truth Of Lucky Charms. Be warned, like Leprechauns, the story is interesting and goes on forever. Some people have way too much free time on their hands.

Doesn’t look like a pro athlete but…magical powers.

Quite the opposite of the Lucky Charms image, in Irish folklore there is nothing fortunate about encountering a Leprechaun. Throughout Irish lore they are devious, nasty and will take your luck away forever. The reality is that far from being good luck, they are exceptionally BAD luck!

Speaking of grim Leprechauns, my fave is the headliner in the 1993 American horror slasher-film “Leprechaun” which, despite being cheesier than a fondue factory in Gruyères, managed to draw enough box office to justify a few sequels, the last one being (and I’m not making this up) “Leprechaun 4: In Space”.

Her luck just ran out when she was cast in this dumpster of a movie.

The most remarkable part of this very bad movie is that it marked Jennifer Anniston’s film debut! It has also been called Anniston’s worst movie, ever.

Brad’s looking a little rough these days.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette critic Ron Weiskind called the film “incompetent,” thoroughly trashing the film’s acting, lack of suspense, and production values. He concluded, “Forget about the proverbial pot of gold. The movie Leprechaun is a crock.” It is said that to this day, Jen is more embarrassed by this film than by all the Brad Pitt jokes ever told.

She recommended he use “Aveeno” for dewy, soft skin!

Max, being a Maltese, knows nothing about these matters. But he may have a little Leprechaun in him. He’s been known to be a tad grouchy, untrusting, and peevish from time to time. I wonder if he likes marshmallow, erm, marbits?

“I’m so embarrassed to be connected with this.”

Finally, here’s a tip for your next visit to Ireland.

Find a crowded pub out where the sheep roam or on the side streets in one of the industrial towns. March in wearing an Hawaiian shirt, shorts and flip flops and push your way to the bar. When you spot the barman, call loudly and ask that he whip up your favorite drink, an Irish Car Bomb and make it snappy.

As he drops the shot of Irish Cream and whisky into your glass of stout, let everyone in the pub know you are an American whose grandfather was half-Irish and you are there to research the cultural phenomena of your ancestors before they were fortunate enough to arrive in the States, with special emphasis on Leprechauns, shillelaghs, “St. Paddy,” and why the Irish drink so much.

Trust me; it will be a vacation you’ll not soon forget. Meantime, Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha

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51 replies ›

  1. One of our favorite traditions is watching leprechaun. I love that movie, it’s so perfectly bad! I’ve seen the second one but never made it past that. Looking forward to leprechaun in space! I’ll have to record it. Max is such an adorable little leprechaun😀
    Btw if you have time watch midsummer night’s dream, the 1935 version. I watched it last weekend. Beyond words..if we were a weed friendly state it might have made sense.

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    • It takes a brave woman to admit a family tradition of watching “Leprechaun.” Now the few neighbors who had doubts are sure your house harbors ax murderers who like to dress in green pantaloons. I’m always up for a uber-cheesy flick. Especially ones like that Geico commercial where the teens eschew the running car and decide to hide behind the chainsaws.

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  2. Don’t be embarrassed Max. This costume is mild compared to what DogDad usually dresses you up in. Besides, you look great in green.

    I was going to try Aveeno. Now I think not!

    Max, you have to beg to go outside more often. DogDad needs more contact with fresh air. Don’t let him give you anything green to drink today.
    Ginger

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    • I looked for better costumes but frankly the selection for St. Patrick’s Day are pretty much limited to hats and beards. Max was reasonably happy to wear his hat provided he got some treats which, of course, he did.

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  3. If on a trip to Europe and trying to fit it all in fifteen days means that you cannot make it to the Emerald Isle, then while in London nip – dressed as you describe – into one of the seedier pubs in Kilburn and -, acting as you suggest – ask for a Dublin Dynamite. A fine end to your trip….
    Max looks depressed. Not surprisingly, given the company you have made him keep…bald headed bruisers, bar proppers, cereal hoarders and Jennifer Anniston.

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  4. Top o’ the mornin’ to ya! Max, you’ll fit in just right no matter what international locale he takes you to. Your closet must be huge! Another round of Marbits for All – hold the luck stealing Leprechaun 😂. Happy St Patrick’s Day! When I open your posts I never quite know what I’ll learn next. It’s fantastic, I bug people with my new found knowledge until I see them put cotton in their ears. Really nicely done! 🍀☺️🍀🍻cheers!

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    • I didn’t know that Jennifer Anniston started her career in “Leprechaun” but I have seen the film (and that’s a gracious description) and I understand why she downplays that role. It is truly dreadful even for a slasher movie. That the producers were motivated to make 3 sequels speaks to the very high taste level of the theater-going public. I’m not sure if Max would like a marbit and if so, which one but he’s willing to give it a try.

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  5. ‘Everyone’s a little Irish on St Patricks Day, except the Scots, we stay Scottish!
    Being a proper nation we have no bneed to ‘piggy back’ on another in a vain attempt to creat a History for ourselves.

    Our beer and whisky (spelt properly) is better also…

    Keith Feiling, in his ‘History of England,’ in which the Empire building Imperialst includes Ireland, wonders if the phrase, ‘Look out for the Little People,’ comes from the days of the Vikings.
    In the 600’s – 800’s a walk in the wood could lead you into a trap from the Viking hordes landing on the west shores. Did these ‘Little people’ originate there?

    Certainly Scotland kicked them out

    Keep him off the Guinness Max, he may take you on a parade!

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    • This year I intended to purchase a bottle of Power’s Three Swallows following years of glowing reviews from Ms. Devries. So I visited Total Wines and Spirits which touts a selection of 136 choices with every brand you might imagine. The sly store personnel had built a veritable mountain of Irish whisks at the front of the store just in case someone forgot what March 17th celebrated. But guess what – there was one brand marked as “Out of Stock for a Limited Time” and sure enough it was Powers. No Three Swallows, No Gold, No 12. So, another year swilling what surely must be an inferior brand since it didn’t sell through. I’m proud of you for staying Scottish and not getting lured into the fakery of St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. Save it for that great Scots Holiday that is celebrated around the world. Which one was that again? Don’t seem to recall any…must be Irish whiskey. (e)

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  6. Argh…the ugly American strikes again. And with Lucky Charms, he deserves everything he may receive. Those things. are. nasty. Even as a kid, I’d rather set my hair on fire than eat those gross marbits.

    What butter and whiskey won’t cure, there is no cure for [Irish saying]

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  9. You should know that TikTok still has the videos of your interpretive dance performance at that small pub outside Killarney. Who knew a Cali girl could be so flexible while holding a beer? Anyway, if you wear a hat and big sunglasses you can probably return, just stay out of that pub.

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  10. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Max!!!
    🍀 🍀 🍀
    Do you ever fall asleep during your Dad’s long-winded stories?!
    Ooh on the scary looking leprechauns! 😮
    YAY on you, Max! Your magically cuteness always shines! 🙂
    I’ve never had Lucky Charms cereal…and don’t think I’ll give it a whirl anytime soon. 😉
    YAY for malts!
    PATS and RUBS!!! 🙂
    (((HUGS))) for you Dad and Mom!!! 🙂 🙂

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  16. Always such fun to visit with you and Max!

    My son, whose birthday is St Patty’s Day, may have tried that cereal, but I don’t think I’ve ever tasted it.

    Slasher movies? Shudder … no thank you!!

    We always meant to get to Ireland … my husband claims direct lines to there and to Scotland. Haven’t yet! Go away, pandemic, we still have places to go, people to seeeee!!!

    Enjoy spring!!!

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