If you are totally bored and have a juvenile sense of humor – of course you do, you’re here, right? – then type “rude vegetables” into your internet search browser.
Protip: before doing this, spend at least a second or two thinking what it is going to do to your search history. Recall that if you do this search and then die your surviving family members will find that your last act was searching for obscene garden offerings.
Hey, it’s your legacy, act accordingly.
Anyhoo, I mention this only because things in Max’s garden are starting to look a little strange. The tomatoes and other veggies are developing, uh, protuberances. I don’t know what causes this or how I should interpret the results.
Let’s just say that the Alpha Japanese Female is now hesitant to accept any produce from me. I have to place the veggies on the counter, back away and allow her a chance to inspect them.
“No more surprises,” she says. You can figure out for yourself why that rule was imposed.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha
WITHIN THE K STREETS 
Been shuckin’ the ol’ “side corn” eh? 🌽
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I don’t even know what that means. Is that a saying from your neck of the woods – you know, somewhere between the East and the MidWest? It sounds salacious which I am always in favor of but “side corn?” I’ll await a detailed explanation.
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hahah….oh my gosh. Now I am anxiously awaiting a detailed explanation–salacious or otherwise…
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I know, right? After all this talk of clearing browsers I was afraid to Google it but of course I did and all I got back was “side cornrows” which I can’t do because of limited hair and a “side of corn” which was sponsored by Green Giant. I remember a friend of mine who was from Nebraska, I think, who always used the expression “easy as a can of corn” when asked for a favor.
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You would figure Southerners would have something to say about corn. The closest I can think of is calling someone a cornpone. Which, in Jersey, we would just call them ‘thick as a brick.’
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I had a friend from the South who always used the phrase, “Dumber than a mud fence.” I liked that one, bless his heart.
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laughing at the “bless his heart” … very southern!
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I’m guessing you aren’t familiar with the character Pam from Archer? (Yes, it is intended to sound salacious😆.)
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:…WHOOSH…: No, sadly I am completely out of the loop on most popular media. Just an old stick-in-the-mud. So, do tell us more…
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Tom, only you would have such weird looking veggies! Maybe it’s all that California smog or smoke from raging fires that makes them look like circus sideshow freaks.
And only you would bring these to our attention Tom. Why? Because you have too damn much time on your hands! You need to start sorting socks and contemplating your navel. You know, do something worthwhile.
Bravo to Max for looking so good. I agree with Max. Plant Milk Bones next year. Lol.
Ginger
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You may have hit on something (for a change,) Ginger. It could be the smoke from the fires that is corrupting my crops. It certainly corrupted me. Before I started this silly dog blog I was young, innocent and pure as the driven snow. But you guys…sheesh… what an influence.
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I think the phrase you were looking for is: ‘pure as the drive slush.’ SLUSH.
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dammit. DRIVEN slush.
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Don’t you hate it when your well-chosen little barb ends up misspelled? That, my friend, is spelled KARMA!
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haha! Oh my gosh–so embarrassing. No wonder karma is such a…you know. 🤣😂
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The words “hoist” and “petard” come to mind.
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C’mon Tom. You may have been sorta kinda young once, but you were never innocent nor pure as the driven snow. Like Lois said (or tried to say) more like, “pure as the driven slush”.
‘Course she wouldn’t have had so much trouble typing out that phrase on her computer if she didn’t hit the sauce so much during the day! Sheesh, retirement sure screws with a lot of people, doesn’t it? Lol! Hmmmm, maybe she was experimenting with some corn mash of her own!
Ginger
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You are spot on, Ginger. Lois’ has probably been hitting the corn squeezins again. Keeps blaming the cats for all the stuff on the floor around her house but…we know, don’t we? To think she once held a very responsible job and was reputed to be very good at it. My, how they have fallen. I was going to suggest we all pitch in for one of the voice recognition programs but all those slurred New jersey words would overwhelm the poor device.
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Voice recognition program? As they say in NJ, “Fageddaboutit”.Lois would take a picture of it and write a post about it.
Ginger
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You’re right, of course. It’s gotten so that I look over my shoulder from time to time expecting to see Lois and her camera. Thankfully, I haven’t been spotted yet.
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Funny you should mention about our search history being left for our surviving family members. Every week, I totally clear my browser history and downloads. And I don’t look for the weird stuff–not even with Little Max for scale! I’ll just vanish without a trace…kinda like Superman. ‘Who was that masked man?’ Anyhow, I haven’t had breakfast yet and I really need my coffee… Enjoy your weird veggies.
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Ya know Lois, I notice you and Ginger always post at the same time. Are you a tag team? Or…wait…I don’t think I’ve ever seen you and Ginger in the same place at the same time…I’m getting suspicious. It’s always a good idea to clear one’s browser although I am sure that every time you do it the engineers at Google go, “Crying out sideways, there go another 7,000 cat photos.”
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We probably are posting at the same time. Ginger is Eastern Standard Time, I’m Central Time. You know that saying: it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Yes, pertains. Don’t bother to look it up. We already deleted our history.
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Very convenient story. I think you Simonize your watches, Er, circumscribe? Civilize? Uh, circumsize? Oh yeah, SYNCHRONIZE! Anyway, I thought you were on Panhandle Time which is just slower.
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You’re just trying to up the ante with Bizzy on garden produce….I can hear it nnow…’how come the French can’t produce vegetable with protuberances…?’
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I think Bizzy has surrendered on garden produce at least for now. There was bold talk about her garden but I think Jacques ate all the plants or something. But you know Helen…French vegetables…what can I say? No protuberances and they just sit there going “hon, hon, hon” all day and not producing anything unless their union secures extra benefits.
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Sounds like most of the French vegetables I encountered.
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At least the ones in government, eh?
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Yes indeed…Sarkozy the black radish, Hollande the rutabaga, Macron the mushroom…but wait! I traduce at least two of them…..they are reputed to have had protuberances…..although the third is reputed just to accept them…
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Excellent! Carla Bruni and Julie Gayet were both kind of cute so Sarkozy & Hollande get some credit. Macron is definitely a mushroom – always in the dark and up to his neck in manure.
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Vegetables?
Thanks to Brexit we have no lorry drivers to deliver them to the supermarkets, whatever the shape.
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We call them “trucks.” Lorry is a girl’s name. 😛 And the reason you got Brexit was too many vegetables in political office. It’s time to go out into the fields and forage, man!
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‘LORRY. is a perfectly good name for a 40 ton vehicle, better than the rather common ‘truck.’
Just as ‘cabbage’ is a perfectly good name for Boris et al. (That’s your actual Latin that is)
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Cabbage is actually rather polite. I’ve also heard “walnut” as a descriptor. So, lorry being a 40 ton vehicle is simply an obese truck. Got it.
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Whoa…guess I need to clear the cache of my searches. Oh what am I saying…I’m about as boring as they come and my ‘Net searches match my personality. Besides, who cares about different kinds of beer anyway? 🍻
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Oh no, no, no…nice try but none of us believe that “po’ little innocent me” routine, Monika. You got that legalized Satan’s Lettuce out there in Colorado and we heard hot tub stories, too. Little did you know that Elsa is on the payroll and feeding stories to us on the down low. Now, it’s true she could be exaggerating but there is a ring of truth to the Poodle’s Tail, er, Tale.
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#ohthatdog #busted
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Confess, Monika, that when you were asking for a nice Afghan to keep you warm you were referring to a refugee not a blanket. What? Too soon?
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You apparently don’t know me very well…Afghan would likely be a dog! 🤣
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+1 response! 🤣 Coincidentally, I was at the Garden Center a few days ago in line at the cashier. Ahead of me was a woman and her Afghan hound. Just as you see in all the commercials and jokes, her hair style and color matched with the dog although the dog’s was silkier. It was like a meme come to life. I’ve heard that the Afghan hounds are not very bright and after listening to that lady talk to the cashier it was clear the pair had something else in common, too.
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We had one years ago. Sweet, sweet dog. They aren’t for everyone. Not so much dumb but stubborn and deviously clever. Probably the prettiest site you’ll see when they’re running. All that silky hair moving in the breeze. 😊
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Did you name him/her Taliban?
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Nope…Ramses
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Cool beans – founder of 19th dynasty of Egypt! Did the dog walk like an Egyptian? Whey -O, Whey – O!
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No, but he ran like one. 😆
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🐕===_______
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🤣🤣🤣
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Could he do the sand dance a la Wilson, Keppel and Betty? https://youtu.be/Sn83cCEpZV0
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🤣
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He was quite graceful, more like poetry in motion. 😊
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When i was a student a friend’s elder sister had an afghan hound…not only that she had the afghan coat as well, and her hair was a match for that of her hound. Thehound was considerably mre graceful.
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When Max was still a puppy we would take him to the dog park in Utah to socialize and one of first friends was a huge Borzoi named Riley. Standing still Riley was an unusual looking dog but when she ran it was simply amazing to watch. I suspect Ramses was like that.
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bah, the jokes about search histories aren’t even funny.
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😆 I dunno, sometimes they’re hilarious.
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You should try sunflower seeds-they are yummy.
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You know how many sunflower seeds I’d have to eat to fill up? No, of course you don’t, you are a bird. It’s a lot and I’d be afraid I might grow a sunflower in ma belly like what happens if you eat watermelon seeds.
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But the thought of that many sunflower seeds almost makes me smile so much that my beak cracks.
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One man’s excess is one bird’s Nirvana.
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We have some “boy” hostas out front…
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I’m embarrassed to say how long it took me to savvy on to what a “hosta” was and I’ve planted them. The word just didn’t resonate. I was lost thinking it must be a new street term or some regionalism. Come to think of it, “hosta” sounds like something you might call a pesky neighbor. “That Hosta down the street keeps putting hedgehogs in my Nativity Set,” for example. I assume you maintain a reasonable balance of boy and girl hostas otherwise things could get ugly in the garden.
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being thoroughly exhausted here, I’m going to look up rude vegetables so I can laugh like my inner hyena got out
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It’s not much but it’s better than grading school papers. 😈
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The Vegetable Morality Investigation Squad have been notified and will be contacting you shortly…
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Oh Lawsy, not the VMIS! They are well known foe beating the innocent with summer squash and pummeling with pomelos.
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HAHAHAHA*snort*!!! 😀 You grow THE bestest veggies! 🙂 I think they sprout just for you because they know they will be appreciated, liked, blogged about, photo-ed, discussed, enjoyed, etc! 😛
Isn’t that what we all want before we end up in a jar or a stew?!?! 😉 😛
Max is right…Milk Bones next summer! 😀
(((HUGS))) 🙂
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This was a really good year for our veggies. We had more than we could use and gave lots to neighbors, too. I wish I knew what we did right so we could repeat it next year but it seems like gardening (mini-farming) is like rolling the dice each time. I know that come January when its nasty out and chilly we’ll be very happy with all the marinara sauce that the AJF out up this summer! And yes, next year…Milk Bones!
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Yes, never know from summer to summer. But, always good work for body, mind, and soul and lovely-yummy to enjoy the fruits of that work the rest of the year! 🙂
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The garden stuff was definitely good fun but this year we really missed our usual road trips. We were thinking about a jaunt to Oregon and maybe Montana or perhaps back to our fave Colorado mountains. Turns out a good trip was to CVS or the grocery store. We thought that we’d be able to resume roaming this summer but…bah! Oh well. Does nothing to complain about what you can’t change.
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I understand. Same here. SIGH
Oh, well, we keep trying to make the best of life. 🙂 So grateful for so VERY much! 🙂
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Someone should report you for growing supremacist corn. The tomatoes remind me of proboscis monkeys.
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The corn was tasty even if supremacist. Not as good as Utah Super Sweet which is the best of the best and not only that, Utah SS is a bi-color corn so it’s socially acceptable, too!
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Ooh, it’s a good time to be bicoloric corn!
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Is that a large tomato or is the Malt that small? Max must have gotten a lot smaller since I am sure your hand isn’t that large! I am not sure what you are putting in the water to get such rude veggies!
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It’s an end of season small tomato. From an Early Girl plant which produce smaller tomatoes to begin with but which i usually a bountiful producer. The old saying: The odds are good but the goods are odd.
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this is actually funny, not rude. vegetables that sprout side johnson’s are in a category of their own.
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+1 for “side johnsons.” Somehow they don’t seem as appetizing as the regular kind. Oh, the reason for the title “Rude Vegetables” is because that is the name of a common meme for these type of produce. I didn’t come up with it on my own – Like Max says, I am well known for having no imagination when it comes to names.
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Ya like that Johnson joke? Check out my blog for real honest opinions about shit.
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I did visit and enjoyed your posts. Apparently you are in the East (Vermont was “4 hour drive”) so you have access to a bunch of craft beers that don’t make it out here. We need to trade beer notes sometime, you know, focus on what really counts.
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Well hell son, let’s create a got damn beer comparison WordPress site. We’ll call it….civil beer war.
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Nah. Not much demand for my kind of reviews…”Tastes like bat crap on a cave wall…” “I’ve urinated better beer than that…” I’d have to adopt the California wine vocabulary about a “nice nose, long finish, potent but not pretentious” and all that stuff. I’d rather just sit and drink it and leave the reviews to others, but nice thought.
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As always, enjoyed your blog … “h”ever so much … and enjoyed the comments!!
I got to wondering what causes those … protuberances (“Johnsons” ???🤣🤣🤣 *snort*) … so … looked it up. Here’s da link: https://greenupside.com/why-are-my-tomatoes-deformed-common-causes-fixes/ … so you might be onto somthing with the smoke problems?
But the part that got me was: Deformed tomatoes may have cracks or splitting, zippering, catfacing, uneven ripening, holes, or spots.
Wait .. WHAT? “catfacing” … what ever would Max have to say about that??? (And yes, I am tempted to paint one up!!! 😁)
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Oh, you’re on to something! Cat-faced tomato art has market potential! Different tomatoes, different cat species…the opportunities are endless. Just imagine – a Sphinx-faced Early Girl! Or a Calico Big Boy! OK, maybe those should be ruled out. That was a good link except it suggests I should pluck the deformed ‘maters and “feed them to the chickens.” Oh, great, now I have to add poultry to the list of crap I have to take care of around here. Grrrr….
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Oh the mind boggles!!!! But seriously .. chickens … hmmm … I’m pretty sure you could start a whole ‘nother blog about chickens … not a doubt in my mind it would be hilarious!!!!! On second thought … not sure Max would approve … ??? They can be oddly vicious < ~ had to look up the spelling on that one … I had it wrong 😏
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I always misspell it as “viscous” – thick and sticky. That makes for some really stupid sentences. “I was chased by a thick and sticky dog.”
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Laughing … well, if you’ve ever seen Buddy after one of those walkies where I made the mistake of looking away at the wrong time, a thick and sticky dog could indeed have been chasing you. Perhaps a blog should be written about that? I took pics!!!! 🤣
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Just me and Coops here…Just stopping in to see how Max is doing! How you doing, Max?
We think of you often and wish you love, joy, peace, wellness, and lots of treats!
PATS and RUBS!!! 🙂
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Well, hi there guys! Thanks for thinking of us, that’s sweet. Max is doing pretty good. He has some difficulties with breathing and his heart rate is irregular but as long as he doesn’t over-exert himself he’s comfy and in good spirits. He is still the most gentle, affectionate little dog and good natured about everything. He misses his long walks, rough housing and chase me-chase you games but he gets more snuggle time on the recliner as a substitution. Hope things are going well with you, yours and Mr. Cooper. It’s fun crossing puns across the various dog blogs. Take care and since it’s Autumn, see if Coops wants some pumpkin spice Milk Bones!
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Thanks for the Max update! Sounds like he is taking good care of you and you are taking good care of him. 🙂
(((HUGS))) 🙂
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Just stopping by today with ❤ and (((HUGS))) AND PATS and RUBS!!! 🙂
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Creativity at it’s best 😁
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Hey! Hope you are all doing well! Cooper is hounding me today to stop by and check on you all.
(((HUGS)))
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I see by the above that I’m not the only one stopping in to check on Max and you guys. Glad to be reading your update. I’m sure the recliner snuggles are an excellent substitute for walkies!!! Buddy and I send hugs too!!!
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