October 9th was National Pet Obesity Awareness Day. I missed it. Max missed it, too. I suspect he was aware of it but chose not to bring it to my attention.

From the website: “Did you realize a 12 pound Yorkie is the same as an average female weighing 218 pounds and a 14 pound cat is equivalent to a 237 pound man?

No offense to plump pups

What does that say about a 15 pound Maltese? I guess it proves that dogs and their owners do look a lot alike. As the old joke goes, Max and I are in great shape – round is a shape. Or maybe that we have godlike bodies  – Buddha, to be exact.

Bada boom…thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week, try the veal and tip the waitress. (If that reference sailed over your young head, google “I’ll be here all week”.)

Actually, we need not guess at these dog/human weight comparisons because the fashionably thin folks at NPOAD provide charts by breed.

Quelle horreur. Oh the huge manatee. (Another google-able reference)

The site says that a 15 pound Maltese is the equivalent of a 5’9″ male of 423 pounds or a 5’4″ woman of 363 pounds meaning Maxwell should be starring on the The Biggest Loser.

But allow me to cry Bull Puckey on all this. That chart says the proper weight for a Malt is 6-7 pounds. That’s fine for a breed standard or teacup-size Malt but Max is a big guy, tall, long and sturdy. He could drink from a tea cup with paws that large. If he sports a few extra ounces, maybe a pound or two, I note you can feel his ribs along his sides and he moves like greased lightning (yes, a third obscure reference).

No question, my pup is a bit overweight and I accept the blame but I object to this notion that all dogs and all people get measured according to some chart that does not recognize and acknowledge individual differences. We all are more than our BMI numbers or their canine equivalents.

Recently, we luxury-proportioned folks have made great strides in changing the vocabulary of appearance. Women have turned “heavy” into “curvy”. “Thick” is now a popular term. “Rubenesque” is still used by twee art collectors. Guys go for “beefy” and “hefty” in lieu of “porky”. Dogs say “pug-ish”.

This is all good as we need less criticism and more acceptance and words are powerful things.

Me, I just accept my love handles. I know I am a champion, it says so right on my sleeveless tee shirt. A hunka, hunka of burning Maltese-walker.

As for Max, he doesn’t care as long as the food’s good.