Begorrah Malt & The Chicken Talk

So, it’s St. Patrick’s Day and all the bars are closed. It said so in the Irish Times. Look for yourself:

Irish News

Irish journalist Phillip O’Connor said, “If you want to know how serious the pandemic is, Ireland is closing its pubs. To put that in perspective, only God has ever managed to do that before – and even He has struggled lately.”

But sure enough, faith and begorrah, the Irish pubs are shuttered both in Ireland and in Southern California.

Bars are not the only places that are closed. Around here, most all establishments where people gather are closed and we expect mandatory residential lock-downs to be put in place at any time. This is distressing to many in the community and problematic for many more, even those who acknowledge the seriousness of the pandemic.

Max on table 1

“You’re not the full shilling, are ye Da?”

While things are a bit banjaxed, Max is sanguine amidst the discombobulation. He thinks a residential lock down is just ducky because that means his “pack” is with him 24/7/365.

Little does he know that when we have been googling emergency food recipes, we’ve been using the search term “Maltese” as an ingredient.

Whiskeys A

My Max’s choices. Not minis. Those are full size bottles. I just have a giant glass. Kidding…

The Malt doesn’t care about alcohol-fueled parties and parades. Beer, be it green or another color in the Crayola box, is not to his taste. Although he has a nice collection of Irish whiskeys, those are not to his taste either. Milk Bones with jaunty leprechauns on them is another matter.

Max on lap

“I’d like to dance a jig on your head. Or clog you ’til you cry”

His Furriness never intended to celebrate this holiday and he certainly did not intend to wear a ridiculous outfit with cliché hat and an orange beard. He is lucky that the grocery stores are out of stock on Lucky Charms cereal or it could have been worse.

While Max pouts, his DogDad, moi, intends to social distance himself into a reclining chair with a good book, a snack and a wee dram of the creature, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Though far from gruntled at the current state of affairs, we at Rancho de Hoarding Japanese Food are lucky.

Max on lap 2

“Stop acting the maggot.”

While our retirement funds predict that our future meals will come from the noted cookbook, 100 Ways to Serve Instant Ramen and Used Coffee Grounds, we don’t have worries about child care or jobs or frail family members or any of the thousand other real life dilemmata  that this virus inflicts on others.

Yup, no worries here, except for that pesky detail of being at high risk as the primary targets of the Covid-19 virus. Pshaw.

Shout outs and kudos especially to all the folks who continue to work with the public from doctors and nurses to store clerks and janitorial crew, wait staff and delivery people to, well, everyone who is actually keeping the system going while the politicians play politics.

Applause to those who have kept their heads screwed on properly and avoided panic buying all the stuff that I want to panic buy.

Here’s some quick advice to those inclined to hoard toilet paper: if you think you need 144 rolls of TP for a 30-day quarantine, go see your doctor RIGHT NOW because that level of “productivity” indicates a gastrointestinal problem requiring urgent care.

But I digress.

I think back to when I was a kid (late Cretaceous Period dontcha know) and we envisioned a future of jet packs, flying cars, space ships and robots waiting on us hand and paw.

Instead of enjoying these technological miracles, by 2020 we have evolved to the point where we need the government to tell us how to wash our hands.

Sing the Happy Birthday Song twice!!!! For crying out sideways, I’d rather sing the Chicken Talk song but more about that later…

pop Mech

Flying cars by 1967. From Popular Mechanics 1957.

If I keep going I’m going to get grouchy and the Malt is already tired of my blathering so I’m off to self-quarantine, sneeze into my elbow and sing some naughty Irish drinking songs.

I think I’ll start with the aforementioned Chicken Talk:

Listen to the song and if anybody give you grief during these challenging times, you just tell them what the chicken says.

Here’s hoping you have a grand St. Patrick’s Day.

Stay safe out there.


49 replies

  1. Max, you look absolutely dashing in your costume. Your hat is at the perfect ‘jaunty’ angle. I’m not a fan of costumes on pets, but I make an exception with this one, including orange beard!

    Your dad seems to be well stocked for celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. I don’t think you have to worry about him locking you in the garden cage… bottle #2 he won’t make it from his recliner to the back yard. 🤗

    Murphy and I join you and dad in thanking all the folks who are working tirelessly to eradicate the Covid-19 virus as well as all those who are struggling to keep this country from falling apart at the seams.

    I’m 80 years old, and I never thought I’d live to see a virus practically bring the world to its knees. The panic and hoarding are out of control …..some folks have just gone bat**** crazy!!

    Until this situation is resolved, we hope you and dad and the AJF stay healthy and safe. Enjoy your self-isolation. Dad may get so sloshed he’ll give you extra treats!

    Q. What is an Irishman’s biggest dilemma
    A. Should he eat the potato now or ferment it and
    drink it later? 🍀🍀

    The luck of the Irish be with you!
    🐾Ginger 🐾

    Liked by 3 people

    • Max likes being called “dashing.” It sounds like he could move fast which is unlikely. Now don’t mock my alchohol inventory, Ginger, it can be used to disinfect surfaces, sanitize hands, as a virus-killing mouthwash and more! My booze is actually a public service and I will ask the government for a bailout and suitable compensation. You stay safe, lady, and keep exposure to a minimum, we want you around this blog for a long, long time to come. Where else would I get jokes like that one? Uh, wait…:)


  2. I don’t think the lord and master was too chuffed with his outfit to judge by his epression – think Ian Paisley being asked if he would like to meet the Pope.

    Governments fomenting panic I can live without – people are daft enough unaided. Still, shut yourselves away from the lunacy and come out fit and well on the other side.

    But on a serious note…where is the bottle of Powers’ Three Swallows?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sounds like things in Costa Rica are getting a little woolly. I’m sure you are diligent in protecting Leo and yourself from exposure to the virus. Good thing that whole zoonotic scare has been pretty well debunked…Einstein, Tot and the packed were getting concerned. Sadly, no Powers minis were available. They had the full size bottle but I was conserving resources in case this brouhaha over Chinese bugs persists. The cheap stuff I buy can be used as hand sanitizer and a gargle, you see.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Max,
    I have a lawyer friend who for a few silver coins will happily deal justice on those who dress you thus.
    Not only with the chastisement ensure no more ridiculous costumes, but an increase in the food allowance, walking department and comfort zones will be sought.

    And if that does not work there are some Irish labourers who will come round and deal with them..for a wee drink or two…

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hahaha…you used “lawyer” and “justice” in the same sentence. Droll. Almost as good as combining “Irish” and “labor” (or however you prefer to spell it.) Next it will be “British” and “dental care.” Ouch! 😛


  4. Once again, little Max, you have given the ridiculousness of your dad’s costumes a sense of dignity with your dashing good looks. On the bright side, the local grocery stores have special ‘senior’ shopping hours from ‘who in the hell wakes up this early’ to ‘thank God I can go back to bed now.’ Stay safe, you guys!

    Liked by 3 people

    • I think he looks good in an orange scruff and I may stop by the Beauty Supply Shoppe (always with the extra “p” and an “e”) and get some Clairol Screaming Orange Hair Dye for a more permanent treatment. We also have senior hours at godforsaken o’clock but since Daylight Savings we haven’t been early risers. Not that early.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Susan, you’re welcome here all the time. Some have asked if Max will post more frequently now that we are shut-ins. But the majority have begged him not to inflict that on an already suffering populace. So we’ll see.

      Liked by 1 person

      • My Shih Tzu Miss Penny also known as my assistant would agree with Maxwell. She shares my blog every week, actually pretty much taken it over with her discussions of living with an author. Miss Penny says woof to Max

        Liked by 2 people

        • Well, Shih Tzu’s have always been known as literary dogs. We all know, for example that Sun Tzu was really a Shih Tzu. Hey! I tried to click on your blog link and visit Ms. Penny but WP says your site’s not there anymore!


    • Maybe it’s like my first car- a hand-me-down 1949 Chevy that was so thoroughly dilapidated that – true story – it had a huge hole in the floorboards below the brake and clutch pedals. Yes, water splashed in with every puddle, wind and dirt too. Maybe the air cars had rotted floorboards too?


        • Believe it or not, it was the father of a girl I was dating. Oh and I forgot to add regarding your “fake news” comment…In Japan there is a private communications company that refers to its news as “Broadcast Satellite” news. (The AJF subscribes to the channel.) As you may guess, they shorten that to “BS News.” A couple of times a day the channel issues an announcement, “Stay tuned for BS News.” Always cracks me up.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Max! You look so dapper and festive! 🙂 And your comments made me howl with laughter! 😀
    Cooper and I join you in thanking all of the people who are helping and doing all of the hard work during this time.
    Keep trying to supervise your Dad…gosh, that might be the toughest job of all. 😉 😛
    Max…Love and PATS and RUBS and HUGS from me and from Coops! 🙂
    OH, and give your Dad some kisses and paw-bumps…if kissing and paw-bumps are still allowed these days. 😉


    • The AJF is one of those people who never stops moving. Always do this, wash that, cook the other thing. Me? I could sit and watch grass grow, drink beer and be very happy just left alone. Max is on my side. I doubt we’ll go full-on Donner Party during the crisis.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I am so impressed at your correct use of big words that I might just have to down a shot of Irish Mist in celebration. Also, you have made me laugh so hard i got coughing – I have bronchitis – leave it to me to get THAT in the midst of the plague!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You need a reason to nip the Irish Mist? Our mere existence is reason enough. With bronchitis you are well and truly scroo’d on a social level. No matter what you say or do, if you go out in public and make a few hacking noises you will be branded immediately as a carrier and shunned, if not beaten with a stick.

      Liked by 1 person

          • Yeah, the crabbies hit here last night too. A very active almost two year old puppy got a little too much exercise playing catch with Daddy and was over tired and well, if you’ve ever been around an overtired toddler, you can picture it. Also, all this toilet paper nonsense is making me wonder how the hell often Americans wipe their asses! And do they, as my mother would say, “always make mittens?”

            Liked by 1 person

            • In the local neighborhood app “Nextdoor” there is a thread about the TP shortage and one guy actually posted that one can use very thin tortillas as a substitute which he claims are flushable too. Truth. I responded (smart ass me) that you can use a baguette too but the pain is incredible. That should stir up the forum 👿

              Liked by 1 person

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