Those who accidentally stumble upon this silly dog blog (colloquially: “The Unfortunate Few”) know that this is one of the “wokest” spots on WordPress.
Here we do not disparage our fellow canines. We try not to stereotype. We celebrate the differences among breeds. We acknowledge that all dogs are created equal.
We do not make Boris and Natasha jokes when we discuss Borzoi. We don’t characterize St. Bernards as drunks despite that ever-present cask of brandy. We recognize that some greyhounds are slow, some pitbulls are cowardly and some Border Collies are dumb and lazy. There are Chihuahuas that don’t yap.
Black Labs matter.
OK, the part about non-yapping Chihuahuas is a lie. I made that up.
While Max’s silly dog blog is clearly “woke,” he has not yet mastered the Art of Outrage that is so popular these days. He doesn’t protest when the AJF serves a Caesar Turkey and Spring Vegetables meal instead of his favorite Caesar Angus Beef Simmered with Extra Beef and a Side of Beef meal. He doesn’t take to the streets when Milk Bones are out of stock.
Admittedly, he has been known to loot shamelessly other dogs’ chew toys. “Liberate” is the term he prefers.
All told, Max has fared well during these strange days of pandemic and social turmoil, at least up until recently. The past few days have been a challenge and the stress seems to be wearing on his little furball nerves.
For starters, it’s been ridiculously hot. As in 117 degrees (47C) hot. This weather has been tough on the Dogster who cannot walk on hard surfaces without burning his paws (and it hasn’t been conducive to successful gardening either.)
Then there have been the statewide wild fires. While these California conflagrations have not threatened Max’s community, they have made the air foul with gases and particulates, so much so that his daily walks and visits to the park have been curtailed.
Each day dawn arrives grey and foreboding. The days are darkly overcast from smoke as if we live at the foot of an erupting volcano. Sunset is straight out of Lord of the Rings, the setting orb looking frighteningly like the Eye of Sauron.
But the straw that may break the Malt’s serenity was today’s announcement that Los Angeles County has cancelled Halloween. As I said when I first got a universal remote control, “This changes everything!” :snorf:
No trick or treating in LA and we expect that prohibition to spread to our county, too, although a recent poll of residents indicated near 30% want Halloween activities to continue unimpeded. I guess nothing screams “Freedom!” like dispatching your children to strangers’ doors, shouting “trick or treat” and then bringing home to Grandma candy touched by the hands of many others.
“Look Grandma, I got a Snickers Bar, a Milky Way and some Covid-19!” Makes one mourn for the good old days of candy apples with hidden razor blades.
What especially bothers Max is that he may not get a Halloween costume this year. Too bad, I had my eye on a number of politically incorrect costumes. You have to admit that the opportunity to offend a significant number of one’s neighbors is especially ripe this year.
The mostly peaceful pup is not amused. He was looking forward to dressing up, perhaps as a virus, a political figure (whoops, redundant) or maybe that cute but intimidating Police K-9 costume with tear gas accessory. Instead, he will be stuck at home with only his DogParents and a Caesar Angus Beef meal to soothe his ruffled fur.
We can sense his outrage growing.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha