Since publishing Max’s Top 10 Gift List, my Amazon auto-feed of product recommendations has been bizarre.
I’ve been getting messages from Mr. Bezos’ customer service bot asking, “Tom, are you still interested in fish sandals and gender reassignment kits?” No, Jeff, I’m not.
And that was before I actually purchased this set of three Racing Possums for our son who is 40-something and a company CEO. The one who complains that we always buy him strange gifts.
If you were ready to rush out and get yourself some possums I got bad news for you. They are sold out on Amazon. Oh I suspect there are several bazillion in containers on cargo ships stuck outside the Port of Los Angeles but for now you are out of luck. You snooze, you lose. Neener, neener, neener.
Unfortunately, I did get some bad news. Our neighbor elected not to install a Nativity Set on his lawn this year. Yes, the same Nativity Set where last year a hedgehog stuffie was inserted surreptitiously near the Baby Jesus by party or parties unknown.
This news was traumatic to me because I had already spent a considerable amount of time, maybe 6 or 7 minutes, devising shenanigans for this year’s holiday display. I had procured a package of googly eyes perfectly sized to fit the Wise Men and the camels, donkeys and such other beasts as might have appeared.
Out of respect (and fear of reprisals if discovered) I would have eschewed googly-eyeing the principal characters in the Nativity Set but the rest of the cast were fair game. But noooo…old Mr. Scroogey McHumbug decided to stick with those silly wire deer with the blinking mini lights and this year there will be no slouching toward Bethlehem in Rancho Cucaracha. I suppose I could get larger googly eyes and do the deer but that just doesn’t resonate with me.
So here I am stuck with an extraneous hedgehog and a bag of small googly eyes.
I finished putting up my Xmas lights, an event that includes equal amounts of physical effort and cursing at the fine Chinese craftsmen who made those fragile, easily tangled strings of glowing orbs. It seems all the men on our street chose to put up lights on the same day. Perhaps the spousal units are conspiring.
A couple of doors down a neighbor was doing the same job as me except he was seriously knocking back the Old Milwaukees as he worked and now has the most lop-sided lights on the street. But he’s still our hero.
Xmas shopping is proceeding apace. We requested gift lists from the Grandspawn but after reviewing them, the AJF and I realized we have simply no idea at all what twin 12 year old girls would like in terms of colors, brands, designs and such. So we informed their Mom that they would be getting Amazon gift cards (which, I suspect, is what they really want anyway).
As usual Amazon Prime has been a resource of rare value. A few more moments of inspiration such as that which accompanied the Racing Possums and I’ll be able to finish my shopping.
I’m all set with the Alpha Japanese Female’s present but her gift is a secret for now. I will tell you that it doesn’t involve anything on Max’s list. She has it easy – for years my Xmas gifts from her have always been the same: a bottle of Remy Martin cognac and a box of See’s Candies, the “Nuts and Chews” doncha know.
I take her shopping, she says “Drop me off by See’s Candies and I’ll meet you in 30 minutes over at Total Wines & Liquors” and yet I am supposed to be surprised on the morning of December 25.
So, for now, the beat goes on…but no possums for you.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha
WITHIN THE K STREETS 
I see a couple of racing possums who could benefit from some google eyes. 🙄
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That’s not a bad idea at all, Leslie. I mean, if one is giving a ridiculous gift like racing possums, why not go all out and add the eyes. Thanks for the idea.
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Thanks for the tip on the racing possums, Tom. Jonathon will be 18 in March and I think we’ll get a team of four for him to race with his mates. I used to go the the Crab Races at the Friend in Hand Hotel in Glebe. I have no doubt this place will appeal to you: https://www.friendinhand.com.au/
Looking forward to seeing what you and Max have planned for the new year!
Best wishes,
Rowena
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I wll be reviewing the Possums soon, Ro. You may want to wait on that purchase until then. Trust me on this one.
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Good idea, Tom. Don’t forget to report back! They look perfect.
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Oh man, the racing possums…I don’t know if I could give them away. Max is so cute…turning it on for Santa I presume. He deserves a stocking full😄
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Oh Chester…c’mere boy…let’s pretend these are squirrels and you finally get your doggie wish.
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Max looks great in all of those pictures, well done Max!
Remy Martin? Just how much money does she have?
Jealousy here.
Racing possums sounds ideal for a 40 something, he will be going through a midlife crisis anyway (I had 3).
The Puritan life avoids garish plastic lights and needless festivities, but not plum puddings.
No decorations here but a vast array of cards, eventually. Cheaper also.
Keep the beat going…
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I have to confess that it is the VSOP that I receive, not the Extra or any of the Hors d’Age stuff. I get one jug a year and I have to stretch it out so it’s reserved for auspicious occasions like, oh, birthdays, holidays, a Saturday, Wednesday or something like that. You’re such an Ebenezer – no lights? Hmppph. The Ghost of Christmas past will visit you and bring back memories of your years at Tennents.
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Racing possums? I think it would be money well spent if you purchased a set for each of your male neighbors, as well as one for yourself. Think of the hours of fun to be had racing them down your street and up and down each other’s driveways. Why, you could turn this into an Olympic event!
Tom, you are certifiably nuts! That’s why Murphy and I love you. ‘Course, we love Max more, but we won’t go into that today!🤪
Ginger
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With all the new sports that comprise the Olympics I am all for Possum Racing as an addition. We can start with the sprints and add distance events later. Maybe a Possum steeplechase or High Jump. That will teach the Chinese!
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Reblogged this on Disparateinterests's Blog and commented:
It’s almost enough to compel me to seek these out!
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Yeah, well, it won’t be at Amazon. But I have it on good authority that possum racers can be found at other fine online retailers – just in case the urge to buy some is overpowering.
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Oh, little Max–you are such a cutie.
See’s Candies–that is some kind of delicious. Keeping it easy on Mr Lois, I direct him to The Fresh Market for a bag of bridge mix, plus an extra bag of malted milk balls and chocolate almonds. Dark chocolate be damned–I prefer milk chocolate. Lucky for me that the racing possums are sold out. I could see them racing for my chocolate. Big mistake, you guys.
What in the heck is up with your neighbor?! I was ready to hear what kind of shenanigans you were gonna pull this year. There goes my Christmas fun.
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I think the cats would love to chase racing possums, Lois. Assuming Mr. Lois isn’t hogging them for himself. Chocolate covered almonds are among my faves. I actually have to ration myself with those things; they are like crack cocaine to me. As to chocolate, dark or milk are both fine for me just give me more, more, more…you see my problem. Yeah, I’m sad the neighbor retired the Nativity Set. Still hoping to come up with something to bedevil him once again this year.
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Love the racing possums! I missed Max’s gift list so will have to go read that now! Max, you’re looking mighty handsome! So sad about the nativity scene. That is truly a let-down of epic proportions!
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Max recently visited Miss Jessica at the groomers and is feeling and looking spiffy. By all means visit the gift suggestions, they’re sure to offer something for the special ones on your Xmas list.
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Jacques wants the possums. Especially if they squeak.
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I see no reason that Jacques should be deprived of the possums. I don’t think they squeak – the advertising is unclear on that point – but they could entertain him for hours or at least minutes until he rips them apart in a fit of Gallic ill temper. Amazon Europe may still have them in stock – I mean, do you guys even have possums over there?
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Just how did you find racing possums? You could have added a racing trash panda for variety!!
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A racing trash panda has got to be the next evolution. They could have ringed tails that swing back and forth as they run. I’m think Nox would enjoy spending time with racing wildlife and I can picture her running back and forth over the length of the RV chasing the furry critter. Bruce might like one under his tree, too!
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HAHAHAHAHAHA*snort*HAHAHAHA! 😀 😛 You slay me! 😀
Maybe stick the googly eyes all over your face and body and go Christmas caroling to all of your neighbors?!?! 😛 Just say you are Argus Panoptes, Cyclops’ many-eyed cousin! 😛
HA! I remember the hedgehog visiting the baby Jesus! and I remember who put it there!
I am highly disappointed in your neighbor! I was looking forward to seeing who else might visit the baby Jesus this year. Darn.
When my now all-grown-adult (and w-a-y more mature than me) children were little kiddos our inside Nativity Scene often had Batman, My Little Pony, and Luke Skywalker visiting the baby Jesus. Fun times! 😀
Max: we hope you get LOTS of delicious Christmas gifts! 🙂
(((HUGS)))
PATS and RUBS!!! 🙂
PS…Cooper says your title should read: “Xmas Paw-gress Report”! That Coop, he always goes for the pun! 😉 😛
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Since Coops goes for puns, you should have started this post “You sleigh me” just because…😁
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Coop didn’t read the comments I typed…he just read your blog. He’s a lot sharper than me, so he would’ve thought of sleigh! 😀 😛
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Of course he would have caught the opportunity for a pun. That pup doesn’t miss a trick!
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You literally make me belly laugh every time. Finley just stares at me. First, I had a pet stuffed hedgehog when I was small. I lost that one. Now I have a stuffed one that’s much tinier. Secondly, the pic with Max, the hedgehog, and the googly eyes was where I lost it-the look on Max’s face (speaking of his face–he’s so beautiful. My little gal gets the tear-stains; I’ve tried everything)!
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Max used to get tear stains a lot. We used Angel Eyes regularly and then all of a sudden the stains stopped and we never understood why. How old is Finley?
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What do you usually get from Max?
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Cold drool and tongue. And attitude. Lots and lots of attitude.
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I have attitude. I’m a parrot.
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And parrots also talk the talk.
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Actually, Cognac and See’s Candies sounds like the perfect gift. We have plenty of dead possums in the roads around here so I don’t need those. Sorry about the nativity. Foiled again.
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Maybe you’d like a nice armadillo? I happen to know where I can get stuffed ‘Dillos to grace your living room. Just say the word. And , yeah, I have no gripe with cognac and chocs.
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I will not say the word. We have no taxidermy going on in our home. Just cheap Christmas artwork from Burlington Coat Factory right now, to compliment the tree and the colored lights and the garlands and the cute little Hallmark red trucks and llamas and snowmen and Santa. Maybe I’m not winning at empty nesting but we have certainly decked the halls. By the way, Max is looking very youthful.
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Still…a little curled hard ball of holiday cheer? Some leprosy perhaps? Better than eggnog.
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No nativity scene for hedgehog to crash – that’s just a bummer. One might almost think the neighbors had been doing their own planning to avoid googly eyes. If only those racing possums were remote control… imagine the possibilities!
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You’re in possum country, right? Well I’m almost certain that Masters Dobby and Bo would enjoy chasing a racing possum. Ms. Fred too if you can mount a red dot laser.
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I am indeed in prime possum country! In fact, I had the pleasure just this spring of helping two babies get to teenagerhood and skedaddle. Not sure if pleasure is the right word for it. And the skedaddling was the best part 🤣. Dobby and Bo would surely enjoy that chase. Ms Fred would clearly be the winner 😂⭐️
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If the possums get totally out of control (now there’s a concern we don’t address often enough) you can sic Ms. Fred on them. Dobby can do the play by play announcing and Bo can do the color reporting. Better than ESPN.
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I’m set with career options if it comes to that!
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Prime Possum country! Out here we get Choice and Select Possum only. Prime is too costly. Lucky you!
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😄
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Love those racing possums! Should I look for racing armadillos or has the Bezos empire not acquired south american cultural tendencies yet?
You neighbour is a spoilsport…..but I might have the answer, though you might have to change your Christmas lights somewhat both in form and orientation…look for Christophe in the link below.
https://real-france.blogspot.com/2009/12/mean-green-humbug-machine.html
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I could not find Racing ‘Dillos but I did find something on Amazon that you might like to give to The Neighbour this season. Here:
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Christophe is a man after my own heart. Revenge is especially delicious at this time of year, perhaps due to the cooler weather. I liked that whole post about the wilds of St. Ragondin and its holiday decorations. May I assume you and Leo are again not electrifying the Finca?
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The preview refused to play…curse it.
No holiday lights here….might upset the sheep, not to speak of the budget at the time when we have to pay the various taxes and the thirteenth month to the worlers.
St. Ragondin, the most banal village in France….but for some reason there are no prizes in that category…
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It was an Amazon ad for “Texas Armadillo Droppings” which in actuality are pralines covered in dark chocolate (“Sweet and Sticky!”) but the ingredients need not be disclosed when gifting the Neighbour.
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Saumur had the French equivalent of the Spanish Riding School…the local chocolate shops sold ‘crottins de cheval’….
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Yum. Yum. Yum.
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By the way, isn’t a rangondin a giant rodent? A nutria maybe? Is that a real name or did you make it up?
EDIT: Never mind, smart aleck. I looked it up and there ain’t no such place. Not by that name anyway. Excellent job.
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No, of course not! They would lynch me! It was named after another commune..Ste. Radegonde.
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Heh. Ste. Radegonde, population 442 per Google. Nice photo of the town hall.
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You liked St. Ragondin? How about Les Deux Biscouilles and Ste. Conasse?
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I’ve been making my way through French Leave and have discovered these amazing places along with Ste. Barbe and and others.
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Oh dear…..
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The internet never forgets, Helen.
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Then you will have met up with Chiottes la Gare and Benitierville…..
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I’m working my way along much like a fly in the web, you might say.
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Phew! In that case you are static….
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Hey. There’s a lot of material here for me to work through. If you’d care to point me the juiciest bits and pieces, well, I wouldn’t object.
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You could try these…
Boules to all that
Of mattresses and men
May you live in interesting times
special delivery
Shocking
Country goes to town
Molesworth v Fotherington Thomas
If you go down to the woods today
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You’re proving that we humans aren’t so different than our betters (our canine companions). Figure out what we like, and we’ll like it time after time after time.
Smart wife, you have.
And good on you, having simple tastes: cognac and chocolates. Easy to please = easily made happy = good marriage.
PS: I’m disappointed there won’t be a post about punking the neighbor’s holiday display.
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Don’t give up on us yet! Who knows what evil lurks in the mind of a crafty Maltese.
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Bwahahaha! You slay me. Might I suggest consulting a professional to determine the roots of the googly eye obsession? I gotta say though, I may ask you to be my Christmas Shopper next year since clearly I have no imagination. Racing possums…brilliant. A dumpster toy chest to store said marsupials would be even more brilliant. Does the Nativity Neighbor know how lucky he is having you on the block?
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A dumpster toy chest to store said marsupials… Now that is true brilliance and you should immediately service mark that idea and then call the (likely deranged) folks behind Racing Possums and demand a cut of the gross for offering them that idea. As to the Nativity Neighbor, let me make you the first to know that Max has again come up with a crafty ploy to make his miserable old self even more miserable. Max doesn’t want to release the details yet but let’s just say the Neighbor’s withdrawal of the Nativity Set has not inoculated him from the wrath of the Maltese.
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Oooh, the plot thickens. Love it!
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Stay tuned…
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😈
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Dear Max, please tell your DogDad to get you some Gracie’s Doggie Delights for Christmas. That is all. 🙂
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You still floggin’ the Gracie’s Delights, eh? One of these days I’ll break down and score a bag for Max. After I hit it big in Vegas.
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C’mon, cheapskate!
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Well, I’m no Richie Rich like some of us around here but maybe I can scrape together enough for a small pack of Gracie’s. We’ll see…
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No cost is too great for my terror
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Is that how you refer to Bear? Shame.
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The downside of my hiatus from WP was missing your and Max’s posts. But here I am with a big smile to start the new year, so that’s good. Max is looking very handsome … I’m sure Santa was good to him!! Had to laugh at your plans for your neighbor’s nativity and the googly eyes. Now that was a super idea!!
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The downside of your hiatus is that we missed you.
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