Since publishing Max’s Top 10 Gift List, my Amazon auto-feed of product recommendations has been bizarre.
I’ve been getting messages from Mr. Bezos’ customer service bot asking, “Tom, are you still interested in fish sandals and gender reassignment kits?” No, Jeff, I’m not.
And that was before I actually purchased this set of three Racing Possums for our son who is 40-something and a company CEO. The one who complains that we always buy him strange gifts.
If you were ready to rush out and get yourself some possums I got bad news for you. They are sold out on Amazon. Oh I suspect there are several bazillion in containers on cargo ships stuck outside the Port of Los Angeles but for now you are out of luck. You snooze, you lose. Neener, neener, neener.
Unfortunately, I did get some bad news. Our neighbor elected not to install a Nativity Set on his lawn this year. Yes, the same Nativity Set where last year a hedgehog stuffie was inserted surreptitiously near the Baby Jesus by party or parties unknown.
This news was traumatic to me because I had already spent a considerable amount of time, maybe 6 or 7 minutes, devising shenanigans for this year’s holiday display. I had procured a package of googly eyes perfectly sized to fit the Wise Men and the camels, donkeys and such other beasts as might have appeared.
Out of respect (and fear of reprisals if discovered) I would have eschewed googly-eyeing the principal characters in the Nativity Set but the rest of the cast were fair game. But noooo…old Mr. Scroogey McHumbug decided to stick with those silly wire deer with the blinking mini lights and this year there will be no slouching toward Bethlehem in Rancho Cucaracha. I suppose I could get larger googly eyes and do the deer but that just doesn’t resonate with me.
So here I am stuck with an extraneous hedgehog and a bag of small googly eyes.
I finished putting up my Xmas lights, an event that includes equal amounts of physical effort and cursing at the fine Chinese craftsmen who made those fragile, easily tangled strings of glowing orbs. It seems all the men on our street chose to put up lights on the same day. Perhaps the spousal units are conspiring.
A couple of doors down a neighbor was doing the same job as me except he was seriously knocking back the Old Milwaukees as he worked and now has the most lop-sided lights on the street. But he’s still our hero.
Xmas shopping is proceeding apace. We requested gift lists from the Grandspawn but after reviewing them, the AJF and I realized we have simply no idea at all what twin 12 year old girls would like in terms of colors, brands, designs and such. So we informed their Mom that they would be getting Amazon gift cards (which, I suspect, is what they really want anyway).
As usual Amazon Prime has been a resource of rare value. A few more moments of inspiration such as that which accompanied the Racing Possums and I’ll be able to finish my shopping.
I’m all set with the Alpha Japanese Female’s present but her gift is a secret for now. I will tell you that it doesn’t involve anything on Max’s list. She has it easy – for years my Xmas gifts from her have always been the same: a bottle of Remy Martin cognac and a box of See’s Candies, the “Nuts and Chews” doncha know.
I take her shopping, she says “Drop me off by See’s Candies and I’ll meet you in 30 minutes over at Total Wines & Liquors” and yet I am supposed to be surprised on the morning of December 25.
So, for now, the beat goes on…but no possums for you.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha