Earlier this month the Alpha Japanese Female (AJF) celebrated a birthday. She’s not a big fan of birthdays; even less a fan of admitting that each one represents another year gone by.
Must you tell this story?
I tell her to relax and enjoy them. A year spent vertical is clearly better than the alternative.
Besides, it gives me an opportunity to give her gifts and take her to dinner and a movie and overall thank her for being my spouse, cooking dinner, buying beer and important stuff like that. Especially the beer part.
Accompanying my birthday offerings was a genuine Hallmark card that I found in the drugstore in a section marked “excessively mushy. ” Of course I added some sweet nothings.
By the way, have you checked the prices of cards these days? Holy macaroni and that doesn’t include a stamp. But I digress.
Max (with a little help since he lacks opposable thumbs) decided to get in on the action so he also chose a birthday card for his DogMom and wrote a short inscription.
It was not well received.
I suggested Max go with a more traditional birthday message but I guess he was feeling bullet proof that day. Seems women are sensitive about that age thing. Who knew?
Max’s rash decision cost me plenty. To soothe the ruffled AJF’s fur I had to cough up for dinner at our favorite, albeit unimaginatively-named, French restaurant “Le Gourmet.”
Youngest daughter came along as she often does when free food is mentioned. When told about Max’s card the ladies jointly decided that fair compensation for the AJF’s suffering was ordering the most expensive menu choices and topping that off with soufflés (French for “eggs, air and money”) and Poire Belle Hélène (“Helen’s over priced pear”).
Dinner was lovely but Max was not yet forgiven. When we returned home, instead of a nice warm DogMom lap, he was exiled to the cold granite of the coffee table amidst the remotes and bottles of spring water.
Silly dog.
Penance.
Categories: The Dog From Rancho Cucaracha
WITHIN THE K STREETS 
Poor Max. He suffers from the préjudice shown all dogs in California, If he had been fairly treated, i.e. allowed to accompany you to dinner, his no-doubt exemplary behavior woud surely hae return him to everyone’s good graces.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is very true, especially if he contributed to paying the check. I don’t even know if he likes French food but Jacques seems to thrive so it must be very good for doggos.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, Max. Ladies, whether human or canine, are very rarely fans of such taboo topics, regardless of how humorously presented or how well intended the sentiment may be. 😝🐶
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think he’s learned his lesson. No more smart-derrier cards from the Malt. From now on it’s schmaltz from the Malts.
LikeLike
The AJF should start counting age backward with the goal of still being vertical at blastoff time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I just want to point, for the record, that in these days of gender equality, I never get dinner and a movie on MY birthday. Wawawawa.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fiendishly cunning of you to provide the card you would have liked but did not dare to send while heaping blame on the innocent head of Max….
You should have ordered a salad Cora Pearl while at the restaurant….though not if you wished to survive…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Again you blame innocent old me for the behavior of the small white dog. Ha haha…not going to trust any of your dining recommendations after the Cora Pearl remark. Probably wouldn’t have trusted them anyway knowing your love of Scotland’s cuisine. 😂
LikeLike
I just realized you might have been referring to the fancy Covent Garden eatery and not the ,19th century courtesan. The salad from the former might be good. My mind went immediately to the latter which only added to my distrust of your culinary preferences.
LikeLike
It was the’ lady’ I had in mind…..I do wonder what was in the minds of those who named that restaurant, though…
Ah…Scottish cuisine! If you turn up your nose at haggis try Shetland’s fermented fish heads…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fish heads is a sensitive topic in our house. Our son is not especially fond of some of the more hardcore Japanese foods and once protested loudly that he wasn’t going to “eat anymore of this fish heads and rice stuff.” You may imagine the response he received from the AJF and he continues to tremble whenever the topic re-emerges.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are moments in life which mark you forever….
But it might persuade your good lady to make a trip to the Shetland Isles for the gastronomy…
LikeLiked by 1 person
A digression…speaking of Cora Pearl…her story is a fascinating one and, having checked, I am surprised that no one has made a movie of her life since the 1942 flick Mam’zelle Bonaparte. Seems like all the elements are there for a great costumed, period piece.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The BBC could make a great job of it as a costume drama series…just look at the characters involved
Or not just Cora Pearl but others of the Grandes Horizontales…La Paiva, La Presidente…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes!
LikeLike
Poor Max….tip for you, little guy. If your dad likes the card, don’t buy it. I hope you were absolved from your sins, Amen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Et tu, Lois? Taking the dog’s side? Cold, very cold.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Max, running through a mine field is much safer than trying to get a birthday right. An ex-boyfriend of mine once gave a previous ex-girlfriend pewter goblets for her birthday which she threw either at him or across the room unless I’ve exaggerated the story over the years. My 14 year old son is just starting to enter the minefield. He and his best mate have a mutual female “friend” and she recently had a birthday. I found out at parent teacher night last night that he’d given her $50.00 cash. The girl’s mother thought it was too much and made the girl give it back. Phew! Spoke to him about it today and he said that he didn’t know what to give her. Suggested he ask me next time. I know people wish they were young again but I wouldn’t go through all of that a second time.
Best wishes,
Rowena
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pewter goblets, eh? That takes a level of courage or stupidity to which few can aspire. I have been guilty on occasion of giving a practical gift item, usually because that was what was requested. It’s a trap!!!! Never, ever think that a nice hand vacuum or set of pots is a good idea. I feel for your son – at 14 the task of deciding a gift for a girl he fancies is an enormous challenge and your advice was spot on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You need more than wisdom when it comes to gift giving as a bloke. I’d even suspect that divine intervention wouldn’t be enough. I’ve decided to take my son on a visit to a few local shops and just show him what’s around. I have a few friends who also work in the local shops so they can help him without Mum being involved too. I used to take a few male friends clothes shopping. Some of them had no idea, especially of colours. I write a funny flash fiction piece about cupid which goes along these lines. I thin you’ll enjoy it.
Best wishes,
Ro
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad that my retirement wardrobe consists of cargo shorts and tee shirts. All in the same color. I don’t know what you folk call cargo shorts and tees but I bet old retired guys in your neck of the woods have similar fashion solutions.
LikeLike
Small white dog was obviously committing a microaggression against the AJF and needs to immediately go to bias training classes, involving lots of cookies and cuddles so he doesn’t make this mistake again. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, given the size of this doggo it would certainly have to be microaggression. He couldn’t do macroaggression if he stood on a stepstool holding a baseball bat. Besides, he’s truly the most gentle little dog in the world. But having said all that, he has volunteered for the bias training program based on your testimony that said classes involve food and affection.
LikeLike
OMG, I’m laughing myself silly here. If you ever need a ‘nice’ card, I’ll watercolor something for you (I know shameless plug for the e-shop).
P.S. Sounds like those French classes in high school really paid off. 😉
LikeLike
Those are really lovely cards in your e-shop. Or, Sam’s shop, I should say. That’s sweet of you to offer a card and I may hold you to that some day! My French is dreadful. I know much of the vocabulary and can read OK but have almost no verbal skill beyond, you guessed it, food and drink. I’m much more comfy with Japanese which to date has been completely useless when we visit France.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Then I’d advise to not leave home without flash cards when you go to France…or a good travel dictionary. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wee, wee as they say.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a good thing it was Max and not you…how would you get beer?!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Exactly. I tried to tell that dog he was playing with fire but Maltese are obstinate little creatures, secure that they can bargain cuteness to bail them out of hot water. This time, it didn’t work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Time out on the side table…hope he learned something. Poor little guy. 😕
LikeLike
Good dog!
Such a shame women have no sense of humour. A simple comment that elicits mirth from all gathered males brings emotional reactions from hung up women. This however does not stop some people who will not be named making the just the same.
I have the bruises to show.
Poor Max, you done well and suffer unjustly!
I shall petition the President on yo… hold on, forget that bit…
LikeLike
Oh bless. Max is so adorable.
LikeLike
Poor Max! We all know who really bought that card… hehe!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hey! Long time, no see. Where ya been? We’ve missed you around here and hope everything is OK. Max sends out a Maltese salute to his favorite Irish doggie friends, too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not online much these days and have stopped blogging altogether… but I will definitely keep up to date with my favourite little Malt! The girls send Max kisses xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes! Please stay in touch, you’re missed when you disappear like that. Max returns the doggy smooches!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was chatting to a US friend the other day about coyote vest for dogs and it made me wonder if my favourite malt has one? If he does can we please see him model it?!
LikeLike
I had no idea what a coyote vest was so I googled it and it seems to be a garment with a lot of spikes on the back…presumably to make a coyote think twice before grabbing a mouthful of Malt. Is that the item you’re talking about? If so, no, Max doesn’t have one of these and i’m afraid to show the product to the AJF because she will immediately demand that I order at least one and probably three in different colors. We currently have a bit of a coyote infestation because it is mating season (so I am told) for these creatures. Max foolishly relies on me for his protection not knowing that even in my dotage I can out-run the short-legged little guy. Just kidding. Maybe.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! Oh you MUST get some! Max would look so adorable. My friend lost all her cats to coyotes, which was awful. At least we don’t have that worry over here… the most dangerous thing in the garden is bored poop which poppy eats, which, in turn, makes poppy a poop monster!
Oh btw, have you seen the # doing the rounds on twitter regarding nicknames we have for our dogs? Turn sour most dog moms and dads (me included) have a long list of names they call their dogs, which are usually twice as long and complicated than their actual name. Eg: Poppy, aka poppadopalous, poptastic, poppywooppydoodah…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ll be up late googling to find out if those silly things actually work. I can relate to the name calling of doggies. I have so many names for Max I can’t remember them all.
LikeLiked by 1 person